Kiki's Crowd

Whipped Cream Par-tay

2012-01-19T14:44:00.000-06:00

You count this as dessert too, right?

Pink and Blue

2012-01-17T12:10:00.000-06:00

These two. The youngest two. 20 months apart.

I didn't know or think that the bond between them would be so strong. I think because I'd only had boys, I thought the boys would stick together.

These two love each other fiercely.

Sunday morning, I carried Annika downstairs where Levi was sitting at the breakfast table. She "uh-uhed" to be let down.

Levi said "Annika! Give me a hug!"

She toddle waddled over and hugged him.

Melt me.

Favorite Things 2

2012-01-15T15:26:00.000-06:00

Another one of my favorite parts of Bayou City Fellowship, is that I get to serve.

Everywhere.

I serve in the Littles.

I serve in the Kids.

Mostly, I serve as a door greeter and an usher.

The two places I was most reluctant to serve, passing out communion and praying up front with people are the two that I most enjoy.

The way we pass out communion is we have five couples stand up front and then everyone files up and takes the bread, which I hold and say "The body of Jesus, broken for you."

Then they dip the bread in the juice and Drew says "The blood of Jesus shed for you."

The first time I did it, I was nervous. I thought I might forget what to say.

I thought I might stumble through the words.

But then, the words came out my mouth and I thought about them.

And I thought about each person as I said this to them.

It's deep. It's raw. It's truth.

Without it, my life would be in shambles.

As I said "(Friends name), the body of Jesus broken for you."

I got a lump in my throat.

My voice got shaky.

And then, I would say the same thing to the next person in line.

I might know them, I might not.

But, it never fails, the lump comes in my throat, my voice gets shaky, I sometimes squeak it out.

One of my friends said, "Can I give you a hug?"

A precious senior man came through my line. After I shakily said "The body of Jesus, broken for you.", he looked me in the eye and said "And for you!"

I almost lost it, I almost did the full on ugly cry.

The next person, who was this man's son, I could only look at and get out "For you."

Another lady said "I receive it. I receive it."

I could hardly handle it.

If you are ever at my church and we serve communion, maybe you'll choose a different line!

Favorite Things

2012-01-15T14:32:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite parts of Bayou City Fellowship, our 16ish week old church plant is prayer.

I know every church prays. I hear them pray. I see them pray.

But, our Pastor has set an example of prayer.

"We will be a praying church." He's said that too many times to count.

When we were an itty, bitty baby church and not open to the public, we practiced praying.

That sounds weird, to practice praying, right?

But we did.

Pastor Curtis told us, we're not here to pray just to hear ourselves speak. We're going to pray powerful prayers. Sometimes, the word "short" was before the word powerful.

And then, he modeled it for us.

And we joined.

We would all pray out loud together.

Pastor would be walking around with his arms open or lifted, in prayer.

And all our voices join together and lift up to our Lord.

Before the service begins, after every baby item, and kids table, and sign pointing a way to go, you will find us in the chapel, heads bowed or lifted up, praying.

Sometimes, we pray in a big group, sometimes, we pray individually or in two's.

We pray for the Holy Spirit to fill the chapel.

We pray for the lost to be saved.

We pray for each chair and each person sitting in those chairs, for their life to be changed.

We pray that our lives will be changed.

At the end of service, it's not uncommon for us to stand and join hands and pray together.

After church, it's not uncommon to see groups of people standing around, heads bent, sometimes a hand raised, in prayer.

Jesus loves it.

Is there anything that I can be in prayer for you about?

It's Not My Season

2012-01-12T10:03:00.000-06:00

I want to do it all.

I want to be everywhere.

I don't want to miss a tweet.

A party or a girls night out.

A blog post.

Or an opportunity to serve someone.

I want to be the best wife and mom.

For the last thing to happen, the others, can't, not all the time.

And which of those things are the most important to me?

The last.

Hands down.

God has put a calling on my life. To be a wife and a mother. I know that is what I'm supposed to do, it's what I've always wanted.

And He gave me the desire of my heart.

I don't want to squander it.

So, for now, my mantra is "It's not my season."

I'm quitting my bunco group.

I'm saying no to training and running a half marathon.

I'm saying no to mentoring a girl in the public school down my street.

Because I have a super, duper, most important job.

I have 4 souls to raise, 4 people to pour Jesus' love into, 4 kids to read to, do homework with, answer questions, and a million other things.

And I don't want to miss a second.

I get each of them until they are 18 years old. Sage is already 7. I only have 11 years left with him.

I used to think (still kind of do) that this is a cop out. I should be able to do the things listed above and pour into my family.

I can't. Maybe you can.

I'm calling my bluff.

I'm giving myself an out.

I'm shaking off the guilt.

And it feels freeing.

This season won't last the rest of my life. Maybe it will be shorter than I think. However long it lasts, I'm going to enjoy it.

I choose to enjoy it.

A Boy and His Bike

2012-01-10T17:16:00.000-06:00

Sage and I went to Goodwill after basketball practice and we walked out with a bike for him.

He started practicing right away.

And with no help from me or Drew, taught himself how to ride.

With only a few falls.

Kolby and Levi riding their bikes for one of the first times since we moved into our house.

They continue to love riding on the driveway.
Pictures of Kolby and Levi were taken in November.

A Boy and His Dog

2012-01-09T16:56:00.000-06:00

Coco was the first present the kids opened on Christmas Day.

Annika likes the kennel.

I've already threatened to give her away. Puppies are a lot of work! Who knew?! But, then I look at her cute face and change my mind. At least I don't have to wipe her bottom.

January 4

2012-01-06T16:42:00.000-06:00

I want to try to take the kids' picture every month on the fourth. I really did take these on the fourth!

The best one of the four of them and Kolby is out of focus. Kolby is still in his school uniform and yes, I did grab that bow right before I took the picture. And yes, it was off right after we were done.

Annika decided she didn't want to be touched, which is pretty normal.

I said pose funny.

Two seconds after these pictures were taken, they started running around the backyard having a grand time. Two seconds after that, Kolby tripped and landed in a pile of dog poop.

Funny Levi Sayings I Don't Want to Forget

2011-11-30T12:47:00.001-06:00

When told no to more m&m's Levi told me his tummy was sad. And more m&m's would make it so happy!

At HEB, Levi pointed out many Santa's, I commented "Santa is everywhere these days."

He replied, "No, God is everywhere!"

He still regularly talks about his Huns. They do a lot of the same things that we are doing. My favorite right now is that he'll ask me a question, like "When we spill a lot of water, we have to clean it up, right?"

"Yes."

"Oh, cause my Hun's didn't know that. They beat us home in their race car."

According to Levi, there are 3 Huns, all named Levi who are 3 years old. He will often ask me a question and say Oh, cause my Hun's didn't know that. It makes me smile every time.

Drinking IBC root beer

Today

2011-11-21T16:38:00.001-06:00

Drove to the fancy mall.

Levi and Annika fell asleep on the way there.

Levi transferred to the stroller and stayed asleep the whole time.

I did some returning and exchanging.

As I returned a pair of boots, the man at the store asked if anything was wrong, I said no, just too small.

He checked the size on the box and said "41! Too small?!"

Way to win a customer, buddy.

Then asked if I wanted to look around for any gifts.

Since I have skis for feet.

Airplanes

2011-11-14T06:00:00.000-06:00

A while ago, Levi started telling us that he was going to have an airplane party for his birthday.

So we did.

His favorite colors are green and orange.

Apparently, the pictures I took were of the decorations.

The Invite. Designed by Drew.

Complimentary In Flight Drinks.
Designed by Drew.

Complimentarty In Flight Snacks.
Designed by Drew.

Your Choice of In Flight Meal.
Designed by Drew.

Decorated by Drew.

Assortement of planes for party favors in a suitcase.

Paper Airplane Factory.

Checked Baggage.

Birthday Boy.

Blowing.

Airplanes in the Clouds.

Levi,

I think everyday since you've turned 3, you have said to me "Mom, I'm still free!" And when we have said something like when you get a little bigger, you can do this, you quickly reply "But, I'm free!"

When you first started talking about your airplane party, you were so convincing that you were going to have one, we couldn't not throw one for you.

When Daddy first showed you the invitation, the plane was blue. You said, "Dad, I wanted a green plane." Drew tried to convince you that the plane was really great blue, but you knew exactly what you wanted. Airplanes. Green and orange.

You were a really impressive, incredible two year old, I can't wait to see what three brings!

You are a delight. You are entertaining. You make all of us laugh.

Sometimes, we call you Chip because of your chipped tooth (Sage was holding your legs and dropped you on your face- that's the story you tell and it's the truth). Sometimes, you'll say, "I Chip Yebi!"

You love to tell me stories as we drive around in the van, a lot of times they involve poop.

We love you, Chip Yebi!

Love,

Mama

Adored

2011-11-12T21:36:00.001-06:00

Huns

2011-11-10T06:00:00.000-06:00

The Back Story:

Levi started talking awhile ago about "The Huns".

Sometimes, The Huns would come with us places.

Sometimes, they drive their own cars, orange and green and will beat us to our destination.

Sometimes, The Huns were people.

Sometimes, The Huns were dogs.

Every once in a while, he'll ask me if I know where The Huns are.

Monday, I was emptying some boxes out of our bedroom and got them ready to take them out to the recycling.

Levi and Annika were eating lunch so I took the opportunity to take the boxes outside.

Levi came running out. But, I'd already finished.

As we walked back in the house, he started whining and crying a little.

"My Huns were in the box! You threw my Huns away! You threw them away!"

I assured him that I checked the boxes and they were empty.

He reaffirmed that I had indeed thrown them away.

I insisted the boxes were empty and his Huns were somewhere else.

Somehow, it just dropped.

I haven't heard about The Huns and if they did or did not survive my box throwing out.

I'll keep you posted.

Annika turned 1 (almost 3 months ago, who's counting)

2011-10-31T06:30:00.000-05:00

Pink cupcake
Pink frosting
Princess

She needed some convincing to put the pretty in her mouth.

Mom remembered the bow! At the end.

Annika with Annika Louise. Her scripture is Ephesians 2:8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. Annika means grace.

Daddy with his mini me.

Aunt Krista (who was here for your birthday!) got Ani her first cowgirl boots.

Thanks to my friend, Kelli, Annika celebrated her birthday in style in this sweet cucake bubble, like a true Southern belle. Kelli drove it to our house the day of her birthday, so I made her stay for dinner.

I served a yummy homemade macaroni and cheese (recipe on the back of the Velveeta box), applesauce and broccoli. A perfect 1 year old birthday dinner.

Annika,

You are so loved in our family. You are the perfect princess even when you copy Levi and growl. At 1, you aren't walking yet. At 14, almost 15 months, you are trying so hard to get it. You take about 2 or 3 steps and then fall on purpose. Then you look up and make sure we all saw you and clap and smile for yourself. And you do it all over again. The other day, I videotaped you for 5 minutes doing that process.

You are very cautious. Daddy says it's because you have to watch out for Levi. And you do. The first 2 times you stood up to your stroller walker, you got knocked down. The first time you crawled up the stairs, you fell down them. The second time you fell down the stairs, Levi was waiting for you at the top and you had some "help". Now, when you want to come downstairs, you sit about 4 feet away from the top of the stair and yell until someone comes to carry you down.

Recently, you have started to sign "eat" and say "E!" at the same time. I figured out tonight that means drink too.

You are a momma's girl. And I love it. The times you want daddy are when he has something to eat and when you don't want to go to bed.

We are amazed at your girlness. You pick up a baby or a stuffed animal and you put it on your shoulder and pat its back. Then you put it in your stroller walker and push it around. I saw you pick up one of your brothers little bags with a car painted on it and put it on your shoulder like a little purse.

You have a pink bear that Nana gave you when you were born that you really love.

I have loved watching your little personality come out and I can't wait to see more.

Annika, you have 3 big brothers wrapped around your finger. They adore you and the feeling seems to be mutual.

Love you forever,

Mamma

Confession

2011-10-27T21:38:00.001-05:00

I hate Halloween.

I hate the planning for the costumes.

I hate buying costumes.

I hate all the scary stuff.

I might have changed my tune this year.

Because of a borrowed zebra. But mostly because of the sweet girl inside the costume.

Because of a really happy, jumping Buzz.
A tough Jengo Fette.
A sweet Boba Fette.
And the cutest zebra ever.

And a fun neighborhood that trick or treats early, just for the neighbors.
(That's our house! I need to write an I love our house post.)

Fire Ants

2011-10-12T12:42:00.001-05:00

I have two fire ant bites on my left foot.

It's red, swollen, itchy and fiery.

It hurts to walk, to bend my foot.

It hurts to wear my flip flop or any other shoe.

I know that I get bad reactions to fire ants.

I avoid them at all costs.

Yesterday, at the park, Levi walked into a fire ant pile.

Immediately, they start crawling on him and biting him.

He screamed.

I ran over.

Saw the ants.

Scooped him up and started brushing them off of him.

Knowing full well that I would probably get bit somewhere.

But, I had to rescue Levi.

I had to protect him.

His safety was more important than my pain.

And I would knowingly and willingly do it all over again.

As I walk around today with some pain in my foot, I was struck.

Jesus does that for me.

He runs into the fire ant pile to rescue me.

And He would do it again.

And again.

And again.

That's grace.

8 minutes

2011-09-28T09:38:00.001-05:00

She tells him to go upstairs and get his underwear on and brush his teeth.

She sets the timer for 8 minutes.

He hears, go upstairs.

So, he does.

He wanders into the bathroom and looks around.

He decides to brush his teeth.

He carefully smears the toothpaste on ~~his toothbrush~~ the counter.

Then puts the toothbrush and the glob of toothpaste in his mouth.

And spits.

Resulting in a pile of toothpaste in the sink. Stuck to the side.

Happy with his fresh breath and sparkling teeth, he wonders into his room.

Thinking he'd like to please his mama, he takes off his pull-up and puts on underwear.

His pull-up lays abondoned on the floor.

Then he sees some legos.

And lays down to build them.

In his underwear and pajama shirt.

His mama calls sweetly in a sing-song voice up the stairs "So-on, what are you doing?!"

He yells "I have to poop!"

Alarmed and sighing to herself, she starts up the stairs and goes into his room, flinching, wondering what might be awaiting her.

She sees that little boy laying on his stomach, in his underwear and pajama shirt building legos.

She says "Well, go poopy!"

She walks back downstairs to check the rest of the kids.

She hears him yell "DAD!"

And thinks, "Phew, I don't have to wipe him!"

25 minutes after she sent him upstairs to brush his teeth and put on underwear, he comes downstairs.

Still in his pajama shirt and underwear.

Brown Bag

2011-09-13T21:08:00.000-05:00

The house is quiet.

Lunches are in the fridge.

Dishes have dripped dry.

Dishwasher is delayed.

Too many lights on.

Drew had a meeting at 8, left at 7:15.

The throes of showers, picking up and nursing Annika. It was relatively calm when he left.

Sage in the shower. Kolby on the computer. Levi watching Kolby. Annika ~~nursing~~ snoozing. Me iPadding.

It stayed that way for .25 seconds after he walked out the door.

Life.

I get really flustered on home school days. I just want to get all the school work done. And quickly!

Sometimes, I need a brown bag to breathe into.

I want to say I drop to my knees instead.

Sometimes, I bark at them.

Do your handwriting!

Levi, be quiet! I'm teaching your brothers!

Where's Annika?

Are the bathroom doors closed?

I'm learning.

They're learning.

Linking up with just write.

Distractions

2011-09-01T17:20:00.001-05:00

A leak in our pool

A left behind homework folder

Stolen car seats

Algae growing in our pool

Annika throwing up and then waking up STARVING in the middle of the night

Levi throwing up

Temperature gage coming on in the van

Hitting a parked car

Not all in that order but all things we've dealt with in the last couple of weeks. Six of them just this week. And it's Thursday.

It's like Satan is trying to see what he can throw at us to get us off our course.

It's exciting!

It's exhausting!

By the grace of God, we're making it.

By the grace of God, we'll continue to not just make it but to thrive.

Here's what I'm grateful for this week:

1. The leak being reasonable to fix.

2. Having the correct chemicals in our garage to clear up the algae overnight.

3. A husband smart enough to deal with the chemicals for the pool.

4. A friend lending us a car seat so we could order some new ones.

5. Having the means to order new car seats.

6. Annika getting sick after we finished school on Tuesday.

7. And waking up for a longer period of time in the middle of the night when I didn't have to teach at home the next day.

8. Levi being the easiest patient ever.

9. Throwing up in his bowl all day long.

10. Chrysler Helffman Dodge not charging us to look at the van and fixing the leaky coolant thing.

Expectant

2011-08-28T07:39:00.000-05:00

Jesus!

That was the first word Pastor Curtis wanted to say at our first core group meeting for Bayou City Fellowship.

It seems so long ago and just yesterday all at the same time.

A couple of days before Curtis sent out the invitations to come and hear about his vision, Drew and I went to Pastor Curtis and Amanda's house.

We kneeled on their living room floor, invitations in the middle of the four us, spread all around.

And we prayed.

We prayed that these friends of ours would catch the vision.

We prayed that God would rise up the leaders for BCF.

We prayed that each and every person would have clear wisdom and discernment whether they were to come and be a part of this church plant.

We prayed expectantly.

We expected God to move, to work, to do miracles.

And He has.

And we continue to pray expectantly.

We are going to be meeting publicly for the first time on Sunday, September 11, 2011.

We pray expectantly that God will fill our meeting place, Houston Christian High School at 10 am.

We invite you to come worship our Jesus with us!

We invite you to come pour out your life as we serve our community.

We are expectant with anticipation.

Check out our website.

If I know you in real life, call me, email me, text me, dm me, ask me! We want you there! And we want you to bring your friends!

Consider this your invitation.

School Days

2011-08-23T16:27:00.001-05:00

So, yesterday school started! Sage went to first grade. Kolby to kindergarten. I wasn't over the top emotional about Kolby starting kindergarten, maybe because Sage just started last year? And I wasn't emotional about Sage starting first grade.

I was incredibly nervous about teaching them at home 2 days a week.

Seriously, Sunday night, Drew and I sat on our dining room floor while I bawled and told him all my worries. He was really sweet and just held me. One thing he said was "If you would listen to yourself, you would realize these worries aren't really a big deal." He said it lovingly. And he was right. I might have been crying because I bought them rolling backpacks (school's suggestion) and then I worried about how they would get them up the stairs and I wouldn't be able to help them and I really shouldn't have wasted our money and maybe I should order them new backpacks. Really, I really cried over that. Mostly, I was so nervous about today, teaching them at home and what Levi and Annika would do and how I would help Kolby to focus.

And today came. I woke up at 5:15 because I knew I needed some serious time with the Lord before I started teaching my children. I pray that I keep that attitude all year because I need Him to teach through me every Tuesday and Thursday.

Only one time did I bring my hands to my cheeks because everyone was talking at once, asking a question. Much like I feel in a store when I'm trying to find something and they are all asking for something at the same time. Flustered.

But! We got through everything we were supposed to. Before lunch.

Boy, I wasn't ready for that! My adrenaline dropped and I was pooped.

God's given me grace to keep going. We even got to swim while Annika and Levi napped. It's so much more enjoyable to swim without holding Annika!

So, yes, it's the first day, but I really loved it!

I know there will be hard days, but at this moment, I can see, it will all be totally worth it.

5 Minutes, No Editing

2011-08-11T21:01:00.000-05:00

We did it! We moved.

Technically, the moving company moved us. They showed up at 7:30am, packed our 1800 square foot, 3 bedroom town home, packed up our 5x7 storage unit and drove it across town, unpacked the truck and were done by 3:30pm. Amazing and worth every penny. They also set up the beds.

The day before we moved, we closed on our old house at 9am. The buyers closed on our house at 3pm. We got word that their funding cleared, papers were all signed and we closed on our new house at 4pm. It was flawless and amazing. Praise Jesus!

We painted the boys' room from pink to light gray. (Yes, they still share a room, it's quite large)

Sage turned 7. We celebrated as a family at Chuck E. Cheese.

10 days after we moved, we left to visit our families.

Annika learned how to pull herself to stand on furniture.

Drew's sister came home with us for 10 days.

I attended co-teacher training for our new school.

Annika turned one.

Annika learned how to climb up the stairs.

The next day, Annika fell down the stairs. (Somehow she stopped herself about 4 steps from the bottom of the floor which is tile, Praise Jesus!)

We have a lot of painting to accomplish.

I'm living in a state of overwhelmed, trying to make a to do list each day that is manageable and things that are important.

What hasn't been important is unpacking Drew and my suitcases from vacation. Our room needs an intervention. An intervention called, put some laundry away and finish unpacking the night stands. I don't know about y'all but our night stands have a way of turning into a bunch of random crap that doesn't really have a home with a lot of books piled on top and around them translating into really fun boxes to unpack.

I don't know how much I'll be writing on here. I feel like there is stuff that I can't/don't want to share and it is heavy on my mind blocking other words from flowing. Life stuff, kid stuff. I don't want to over share stuff about my kids and have them regret it later in life. I don't want to over share my stuff and regret it later in life. Like tomorrow.

Here's what I can share. I need to order a book. A book called Raising A Sensory Smart Child. I read the reviews on Amazon and our occupational therapist recommended it. And I just. don't. want. to. Maybe because it would be admitting there is more going on. Maybe not. Maybe because I'm tired. Maybe because I wonder if I'm giving him excuses for my poor parenting. I don't know.

I do know my 5 minutes is far from over. I have laundry to fold, school books to ready, flash cards to tear apart, and the list goes on.

Ramblings

2011-07-06T15:02:00.000-05:00

A week from today, we will be signing the contracts to sell our current house and buy a different house. (Lord willing.)

A week from tomorrow, the movers will show up to pack up our house and (Lord willing) move us into our new house the same day.

A week from Monday, Kolby and Levi start everyday swim lessons for 2 weeks. (great timing)

A week from Thursday, I will have a 7 year old. (I don't want to talk about this. For a myriad of reasons. 1)I'll have a 7 year old. 2)We have bought him one gift. 3)We may or may not be moving into a new house the day before. We may be moving on his actual birthday. )

Sage lost his second tooth on Monday, the 4th of July. We went to Lowe's to get the final things needed to finish fixing our house for the buyers and he showed me how his tooth could lay down flat. I told him I wouldn't pull it but I wanted to touch it. Then I told him I take it back, I did want to pull it. I put my fingers on it like I was going to yank and it fell out in my hand! I pulled his tooth in the middle of Lowe's.

Levi is fully potty trained! You probably already thought I did that back in December. We gave it a really good try but he just wasn't quite ready. He went back to diapers after a week. We kept talking about how when Sage and Kolby were done with school, he'd start wearing underwear all the time. I kept thinking we'd do the 3 day method again. And then I looked closely at our calendar and realized that we didn't have 3 days at home. I decided to just go for it. And he did so great! I expected accidents and there were some, but nothing horrible. I'm not so sure having him potty trained is easier, I would say it's more difficult to take him to the bathroom out in public while trying to hold Annika, but I love not changing the diapers!

Annika. She has 6 teeth and crawls everywhere. She looks exactly like Drew. Except prettier. She shakes her head no to make us laugh and also when we tell her no, no, usually about putting something in her mouth or touching the stereo. She waves, blows kisses, signs milk and all done.

Sage swam on a swim team this year! He started knowing how to swim but not the greatest. It was a modified doggy paddle. One arm would come out of the water and one arm stayed under water. By time trials, after a month of practice 6 days a week, he was swimming a good front crawl. He would bring his head straight up to take a breath instead of rolling his head to the side. He swam a 25 yard freestyle in 34 seconds. His first meet, he was in the second heat of swimmers (meaning the heat ahead of him were all faster swimmers and his time didn't count toward team points) and he got first place! He was so excited. He moved up to the first heat for the rest of the meets. He continued to improve all season and was invited to the Meet of Champs! He swam the fastest he had ever swam in the semi-finals, 23.4 seconds and got 7th out of 34 boys! He got to swim the next day at the finals and got 8th out of 8. His relay got 6th out of 8 in the finals.

We are so proud of him. I was nervous about signing him up for such a big commitment. For the month of May, we picked him up from school, had a snack in the van and headed to swim team. Kolby and Levi played outside on the swing set and in a huge pile of sand. When school got out, he switched to morning practice, so for the month of June, we were at swim practice every morning at 8:30. I told him when I signed him up, that I didn't want to fight him on going to practice, we would be going everyday and there would be no arguing or complaining. Not once did he complain about going to practice! I was proud of the way he would listen to his coach's instruction (and mine!) and then improve. He loved it so much that we're looking into doing swim team year round. (He asked)

I have high hopes of writing more.

I also have high hopes of waking up at 5:30am so I can start running again.

I also have high hopes of Annika sleeping through the night without me forcing it.

I also have high hopes of decorating our house really cute and showing you all the before and after pictures.

I think I need to sleep less.

I hope this comes out right

2011-06-05T21:59:00.000-05:00

This morning was our last Sunday at First Baptist.

We loved our time there. Our first day was June 8, almost 3 years exactly. When we came, we felt like we were drinking from a fire hose after being in a drought for 3 years. That first Sunday, I was worried that people wouldn't have room in their hearts for one more friend. 3 years later, I can't count the number of friends from First Baptist. The people are incredibly wonderful.

Our Sunday school class this morning sent us out with a prayer time. Drew and I got up front and Drew started to tell them how much we love and appreciate them. He got choked up. I said a few things after being adamant that I wouldn't say a word. I told them how they have spurred us on in our faith, how they are a class that is pursuing hard after Christ and they bring everyone along with them. We love and appreciate every, single person.

Drew told them that we weren't leaving because we needed a new church, we love our church. We are going to start Bayou City Fellowship because the city needs another church, the city needs more people to know about Jesus. This new church isn't for us, it is all for the glory of Christ!

It is with great sadness that we close this chapter at First.

It is with great excitement that we start this new chapter at Bayou City Fellowship.

Appropriately, we met with our core group for Bayou City Fellowship tonight. It soothes the sadness of the morning. It ignites the excitement.

We are believing and expecting Jesus to do great things.

When Drew and I were babies, still in college, not married or even engaged, we came to Dallas (with other people) and went to a conference called Destinations. Towards the end of the conference, they asked people to commit to living in a big city and serving God. We stood up.

Here we are Lord, use us!

I'm giving myself 5 minutes

2011-05-26T22:12:00.000-05:00

5 minutes to write whatever comes to mind. 10:02. Go.

This morning, we took pictures of our house to get it on the market (it's been a slow process). And by we, I mean, Drew took them and I went from room to room clearing it out before he got to it and then I went back and put everything back in its place. So, what will be depicted in the pictures, will not be real life. It will be what we would love for real life to look like except, not so much, because that means that we wouldn't have 4 little people in our lives or if we did, they would be robots or cats, maybe cats would make more sense and then they wouldn't be people, because they'd be cats. You probably saw where I was going with that, didn't you.

Anyway. The pictures were taken and we think the listing will go live Saturday. Except maybe not because that was before Drew was taken out by some strawberries at dinner. Or so he thinks. He ate some strawberries for dinner. I took Annika on a quick walk (that makes me sound cool and healthy except this was the first time it has ever happened and it was seriously a 5 minute walk, much like this blog post). I came home and gave her a bath and started nursing her (which means I nursed her as long as she wanted and read blogs on the Ipad). And then I kept hearing the boys laughing and talking loudly and kept wondering why he wasn't putting them to bed. It was, after all, inching towards 9! Yikes, that's late for our kids. Finally, I decided Ani was done nursing (which means, I read all the blogs that I wanted to) and I took her up to her bed. And then I checked on Drew. And quickly determined that I didn't want to be too close to him and then read the boys a Franklin book and 2 short chapters about Hudson Taylor from Hero Tales. Google that. It's a really neat book.

10:09.

To summarize, we took pictures, Drew got sick. The end.

A Rare Evening

2011-05-03T20:56:00.000-05:00

It's 9:00.

I'm sitting on the couch. I've been on my laptop since 8. This is so weird.

I finally added a picture and changed my name on twitter.

And, I might post something in the middle of the week! I know!

Maybe you aren't as excited as I am. That's okay. It's the little things in life for me.

Annika might be crying. She is. Dang. Maybe she'll go back to sleep.

She's not stopping.

I'm hitting publish.

And then I'll go check on her.

Which will lead to laying down in bed to nurse her.

Which will lead to falling asleep.

I'm still publishing this.

Sorry for wasting your time.

Until the next rare evening!

Friday Five: Change

2011-04-29T12:33:00.000-05:00

1. We're planting a church! The quick, basic details are that we are planting a church, here in Houston with our good friends, Curtis and Amanda Jones. It's so fun to look back and see how God has been preparing our hearts for this for a long time, like since before we were married long. It is an exciting journey of faith and keeping our hearts and minds focused on Him. Not for our glory but for Christ! You can read Amanda's story in three parts here: A New Vision Part One Part Two Part Three

Hopefully, someday, I will write out our back story and how our story weaves into theirs.

2. Sage and Kolby will be starting a new school! We will be doing a school that is a classical, university model school. On Mondays and Wednesdays, they will go to school and on Tuesday and Thursday, I'll be teaching them at home. It was a hard decision and an easy decision all rolled into one big decision! I'm nervous and excited!

3. We're getting our house ready to put on the market! By that I mean, packing up books and toys and moving some things into storage so our townhome looks nice and clean and spacious!

4. We have an offer on a house! It could very well fall through still but we're taking steps to move out of our townhome and into a house! I'm really excited. And could get overwhelmed. But, I'm really trying not to.

5. Annika is so close to crawling! She is inchworming her way around and is this (imagine me pinching my thumb and pointer finger together) close to crawling. She gets up on all fours, rocks back and forth, moves a knee, moves the opposite arm and then goes to her tummy and reaches for the desired object.

It's Not You, It's Me

2011-04-16T15:09:00.000-05:00

Dear John,

Just kidding! I'm not writing a break up later two months after I stopped postin. See, I didn't mean to stop posting. I just don't know what happened. I wrote and then I didn't write anymore. I wrote one post and then got overwhelmed with trying to add pictures, so I stopped.

I keep over thinking it. How do I start writing after 2 months? What do I say? It has to be spectacular. I need to have a reason as to why I haven't written. But, I don't have a reason. The reason is, I just didn't get on my computer to write. I guess the words haven't been there.

And I started thinking about my blog and what I should want it to be. I would love for it to be a record of our family and the things we do, the places we go, the stuff we see. And it is, but then I compare it to others and think I'm not doing that great of a job. And then I think I should be making money with my blog, after all, I have been writing on it for nearly 5 years. Is that right, 5 years, maybe almost 6. Yikes! And I start comparing myself to other bloggers who have been blogging for that long.

See that nasty word up there? It isn't a 4 letter word but it should be. Compare. When I compare myself, my blog, my decisions, my looks, my clothes, my kids' clothes, even my relationship with God, I fall short of everyone. Lies run through my head like a little kid on a merry go round. It starts out slow, with one or two lies and then the lies just keep spinning around and around and around and around in my head. And when I finally jump off, the merry go round of lies doesn't stop, it just keeps spinning and I'm left laying on the side with my balance messed up. I try to shake off those lies and walk away but I don't walk straight. I sway to the left and to the right, I stumble, I might even trip. And those lies are still swirling around right behind me. They are at the top of my mind, but worse, they have sunk into my spirit.

Whew, that feels better! See, I write to find out what's going on in my head. And there it is. Kind of ugly, huh?

Just pretend this last sentence is a pretty little bow on top of this jumbled post. I'm going to post it and try to get back to writing. As always, not everything will be serious and not everything will be pretty and fun, but it's me and my life. And you're welcome to come along for the ride if you want!

Groundhog Day 2011

2011-02-03T17:00:00.001-06:00

Wednesday, Kolby told me about the groundhog.

He told me that the groundhog lives in a hole.

And goes to the bathroom where he lives, in his bedroom.

And he didn't see his shadow.

This might be insignificant to you, but a huge step for us. You see, I really have no idea what Kolby does at pre-school everyday. Sure, I know the letter of the week, it's not hard to figure out that they are going straight through the alphabet. But his day to day activities, he doesn't tell me much. And the little bit that he tells me, I don't always understand. I usually listen to a monologue coming from the back of the minivan and at the end I nod excitedly and say "Cool! Neat, bud!" I read his facial expressions for what he thought of his day and hope that I haven't agreed to something that I shouldn't!

So, yesterday when we were talking over Dominoe's for dinner, he told us about the groundhog. And then he told us what he would do if a robber came into our house. He would get the gun and shoot him. (The gun, being his finger) Sage's plan is a little different, he would pee and poop on the robber.

Through this whole speech delay thing, my main concern has been that Kolby will shut down, that he would stop trying to talk to us. I have worried that he agrees to what we interpret him saying instead of us understanding.

But, now, now we're getting somewhere!

I See You

2011-02-02T21:42:00.000-06:00

I see you looking at me

as I walk through the mall

pushing a huge double stroller

that carries a car seat

and a screaming toddler

while my two boys follow along.

I pretend not to notice

you watching me

as my toddler screams.

I pretend his screams

don't affect me.

But they do.

I'm annoyed.

I'm frustrated.

I'm frazzled.

He's disobedient.

He's disrespectful.

He's two.

I pretend not to hear him

hoping he'll stop.

I pretend to be peaceful

hoping I will be.

I pretend to be what I'm not

hoping to become what I'm pretending.

So much of life is like that.


November 2009. Not much has changed. Except he's louder.

A Joke, By Sage

2011-01-30T20:16:00.000-06:00

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Car.

Car who?

Knock,knock

Who's there?

Car.

Car who?

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Car.

Car who?

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Airplane.

Airplane who?

Aren't ya glad I didn't say banana?

Flower Power

2011-01-26T11:48:00.000-06:00

I did a quick photo shoot with Annika the other day. I added the big flower to capture the difference between the one month pics I took. For the record, she is 5 months.

Her brothers came in and were being silly trying to get her to smile. She loves them.


Then they wanted a picture with Annika. I didn't dress them up or comb their hair, just laid them on the bed and snapped some pics. I think this is one of the first I took. They love her.

Levi has started telling everyone "Dis my sishter!" And "Where's my sishter?"

Annika, you are one loved baby girl. Your brothers all dote on you, tell you how beautiful you are and love to make you smile. They delight when you roll over, smile at them or giggle. You have added a new dimension to this house of boys, a really great dimension. I still look at you and think, "I have a girl! I can't believe it." Somehow, you have turned into a really perfect baby. You are just calm and content all the time. You rarely fuss in your car seat anymore. You love to be in your jumper thing and watch the action. You're content to swing while I fix dinner. When we grocery shop, I always carry you in the Ergo and you will often take a little cat nap. If we are going in somewhere quick with just a few things to get, I'll leave you in the car seat and you are content to sit in the cart and see the world. You enjoy facing out in the stroller. The last two days, I've laid you down wide awake for a morning nap and you haven't fussed, just fallen asleep. You wake up one or two times a night, you're pretty unpredictable. But, I love to get you and bring you into our bed where you nurse/sleep for about an hour and then I take you back to your bed. I won't complain when you do decide to sleep through the night, but I won't complain now either, I really like those snuggly times.

My Titles Are Getting Lame

2011-01-19T20:59:00.000-06:00

You know how the other day I wrote about my day? Yeah, when I started, I thought, what would be a really fast post? I'll just write what we did today. 2 hours later, I pushed publish.

2 hours! 2 hours of my life I won't get back. But, oh the memories!

Needless to say, I won't be writing about my day tonight.

I write posts in my head all day long, but when I have time to write my mind goes completely blank.

Some funny Levi stories:

I was feeding Annika and Levi came over and she of course, stopped eating, looked at him and smiled.

He said "She all done, your p**is!" (Read that in a high pitch voice and picture a little smile on his face.)

I mumbled something about it not being that and go play with your toys.

Drew made Levi go to the bathroom before he went to bed. Levi went. Then said "Your turn!"

That Was Fun

2011-01-17T23:08:00.000-06:00

My husband has an arm span of 6 feet 8 inches.

That fact is interesting when the commentators on ESPN talk about a college basketball player having a span of 6'6.

He ain't got nothin on my man!

Except a college basketball scholarship.

How's that for random?!

That last post was fun, thanks for all the comments! And the use of craptastic apparently was appreciated. My mom taught me that word. Just kidding.

I'm going to write out what we did today just because some day I want to remember what our days were like.

Sage didn't have school today but Kolby did. Go figure.

I started the day at 7 when the boys are allowed out of their room. That's right, I said allowed. We have a Good Nite Lite. It's a moon all night and then it turns to a sun (a time set by you) when they are allowed to get up. We do allow them to get out of bed and use the bathroom but they have to get back into bed until Mrs. Sun comes up. (I don't get any money if you click that link and buy it.) Also, we didn't discover it, our friends did and shared the wisdom.

No, I will not be delving into all the details of everything that I type.

And actually, I had been up with a certain, sweet girl from 3:45 to 4:45 but that doesn't count as starting my day.

Where was I?

Right, I got up at 7, with the boys.

Actually, they got up and went downstairs to look for Drew. Because he's way better than mom.

When they didn't find him, they started wreslting in the living room.

I came down and offered breakfast. No one seemed to hear me.

I switched the laundry. And offered breakfast again. Still no response.

I emptied the garbage.

Then they ran obnoxiously loudly up to their room to do who knows what.

I followed telling them to be quiet and not wake up Annika.

And offered breakfast again. And told Kolby to change his pullup. And went downstairs.

To convince Levi to use the potty. And change his pullup.

He does a number two! I had to tell him I was getting a clean pullup and then take a little bit to get back.

Sage came downstairs dressed.

I labored over pouring cereal and making hot chocolate. And made coffee.

I went back upstairs to see what Kolby was doing.

He was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt playing with something.

I got out a pair of jeans, told him to change and come downstairs, his hot chocolate was ready.

When everyone was eating, I went upstairs to get dressed.

I sent Sage back downstairs to monitor Levi and help take his bib off. (Levi will yank it off, thus defeating the purpose of the bib when he spills the contents all over.) Best. Bib. Ever. He's used it since about 9 months, he's 2. Well worth the money. Anyway!

I heard all 3 of them come upstairs to play in their room. Or hide under my covers and try to scare me.

I hear Annika talking in her room. (YES! She's in her own room! She still sleeps in the pack-n-play.)

I get Levi dressed.

I get Annika dressed and change her diaper. I realize her clothes are too small.

I take her downstairs to nurse her. I contemplate keeping her in the outfit even though the pants are right below her knees.

I finish nursing her.

I decide to change her clothes.

I put her in a new outfit and think she looks like a boy. I find a white bow. And a pink bib. (She is a drooly mess.)

I get the grocery bags. And check my list again. And put it in the diaper bag.

I tell everyone to get socks and shoes on.

I buckle Annika in the carseat.

I tell Kolby and Levi to get their socks and shoes on.

I get Levi's socks and shoes and make him sit down and put them on him. I tell Kolby to get his shoes on.

I take Kolby's shoes and put them on him.

I spend 5 minutes getting rain jackets out for everyone and making sure they are on. (It didn't rain all day)

Everyone is standing by the door as I get my jacket and shoes on, get my keys, make Sage carry the grocery bags, make sure Kolby's backpack is in the van (yes, from Friday), pick up the dry cleaning and the letters I need to mail and Levi runs back to the living room protesting that he needs his truck.

I explain that the truck has to stay home, he can take The King.

He throws a fit. I tell him we're leaving.

I open the door. He's still throwing a fit. I say good bye.

He cries harder and louder and runs in front of me yelling "Nnnnooooo!!!!"

I pick up the garbage to take out.

I tell him to stop throwing an ugly fit.

We walk to the van while everyone proclaims that it's raining on their hood. It was misting.

I tell Levi to be careful walking down the stairs.

I tell Levi not to jump in the puddles.

I tell Levi to get in the van, get in his seat and sit down.

I throw away the garbage and then put Annika in the van.

I put the diaper bag and dry cleaning in the van and put the grocery bags out of the way.

I walk around and buckle Levi who hasn't sat down yet and gets mad when I pick him up to sit him down.

I get in the van. It's 8:41. AM. Success! Kolby will be on time to school!

We drive to school. Praying for our day as we exit the freeway. (I like to pray for the kids before we drop them off and exiting the freeway is my cue)

We drop Kolby off. And drive to HEB.

I put Annika in the Ergo. Get Levi out of the van. Make sure the door gets shut and we have the diaper bag and grocery bags.

We get a car cart. And get our groceries. Doubling back a couple times after I forgot something and then changed my menu.

We made one bathroom pit stop for Levi. It was a half success. Damp pullup and he went a little.

Finish getting groceries.

Walk through the toy aisle.

Pay for the groceries. Do the Buddy Buck. Sage gets 10 points. Levi gets an Instant Winner.

Turn the cart around to collect his prize.

It's a bracelet.

Wheel the cart to the van, get Sage and Levi in the van.

Unload the groceries. Buckle Levi.

Return the cart. Take Ani out of the Ergo. Buckle her.

Drive through the parking lot, across the street and go to Costco.

Repeat process of getting Ani into the Ergo, walk into Costco, get a cart.

Milk, eggs, bread, butter and gogurt. Peruse the clothing. Get Sage a pair of shorts.

Pay. Decline getting pizza at 10:30. No ice-cream either. Or a churro.

Drop some things at Goodwill. Mail letters. And drop off dry cleaning.

Get home. Get kids inside. Annika into the bouncy seat. Set the boys up with yogurt.

Carry groceries inside.

Get Levi a banana.

Tell Levi he has to eat the banana since he asked for it. Tell him to stop throwing an ugly fit.

He cries. He tells me he's all done crying and eats most of the banana. Give up that battle. Wash his hands.

Put groceries away.

Make 3 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Pack Cheetos naturals, blueberries and a yogurt for me. 3 Capri Sun lemonades, leftover from taking half birthday treats to Sage's class on Friday, and a Diet Dr. Pepper.

Tell the boys it's time to get shoes back on and pick up Kolby.

Drive to pick up Kolby and think about all that is undone at the house. Dishwasher full of clean dishes, dirty dishes on the counter, 2 loads of laundry to fold.

Pick up Kolby. Drive to therapy.

Set lunch out for the boys. Get Annika out of her carseat.

Nurse her. Eat my lunch at the same time.

Notice Levi doing the duty in his pullup. Remember I only have 1 clean pullup.

Finish nursing Annika.

Give Kolby his shorts to change into.

Help him with his knot in his shoe.

Change Levi telling him he needs to use the potty like a big boy.

Send Kolby back. Pack everyone up. Head to Wal-Mart.

Stand in line to return some things. Get out of line to take Levi to the bathroom. Talk to Sage about his attitude. Get back in the line that hasn't moved but added people.

A lady talks to Annika and touches Levi's hand. Pray to help me love people instead of getting irritated that she touched my child.

Smile at her and nod (she didn't speak English). She plays with Levi a little.

Sage and Levi pretend to eat pretend money.

Peruse Wal-Mart. Get a good chunk of Bunco ready for February.

Look at the toys.

Sage convinces me to help him buy a creator Lego set. (He had $5 burning a hole in his wallet, he's been bring it everywhere.)

Annika is done with her carseat. I get her out, hold her and push the cart one handed.

Use the self checkout, while holding Ani, and helping Sage pay.

Do two transactions.

Wrap Annika in her blanket. Get outside and realize the sun came out and now it's really warm.

Remember that I haven't changed Annika's diaper since that morning.

Change her in my lap in the van.

Sage says he has to go to the bathroom really badly.

Tell him to hold it.

Realize we have about 1.5 hours until we pick up Kolby and we are probably 25 minutes from home. Realize it's not worth going home.

Drive through McDonalds to get us a treat.

Pull into a parking spot to get a bib on Levi and stir the McFlurry's. (Isn't the point that they come all mixed together?)

Think about how I would have never given Sage a McFlurry in his carseat or anywhere else when he was two.

Drive back to therapy.

Sit in the van and listen to Adventures in Odyssey.

Think about how badly Sage had to go to the bathroom.

Go into therapy. See Kolby, who tells me he isn't done.

Look at a West Elm catalog. See a rug I like, and throw pillows and curtains, a side table, a basket. A new shower curtain and bath mat for the kids' bathroom, new duvets for the boys' room. And think Shiny! And how materialistic I am. And how I really don't need any of it. Take the catalog to show Drew.

Nurse Annika.

Wait and wait some more.

Trace Levi's hand. And his other hand. His foot. And his other foot.

Still nursing Annika.

Kolby comes out! His OT said he did great. Asked about transitioning with him. She gave me an idea to give him a ticket when he transitions well. Think about all the work that sounds like, think it sounds like a good idea, think it sounds like a lot of work. Think about talking to Drew about that.

Help Kolby get his shoes on.

Watch Levi hit Kolby. Kolby cries.

Scold Levi. Tell Kolby to use his words. Tell him what words to use. Levi says "sowwy."

Think oh man.

Get everyone out the door and to the van.

Kolby cries because there are gummy bears on his seat, he blames Sage. I explain that they were there from last time at therapy, on Friday.

Buckle Levi. Notice Annika's carseat is not level. Fix it.

Listen to Levi yell and Kolby cry because Levi's yelling. Think about how it's only 4. Wonder when Drew is getting home.

Explain to Kolby to use his words. Tell him what words to use.

Call Drew. He says 6. I say 6?! He says 5:30 or 6. I say when should I have dinner ready? He says 5:45.

Take a longer way home so I don't have to pay the toll.

Levi falls asleep. Consider driving around so Levi can sleep. Realize that would defeat the purpose of not paying the toll.

Get home. Unbuckle Levi. Tell the boys to carefully climb around him.

Tell Kolby to get his backpack and his jeans. Tell Sage to carry the lunch bag.

Collect the diaper bag, my phone, and the Wal-Mart bag.

Make Levi wake up to walk in the house. Hold his hand. Get yelled at for holding his hand.

Get inside. Finish nursing Annika, check email on the iPad.

Hold Annika and talk to her. She fills her diaper. Get stuff to change her.

Realize it's been a week since she got a bath.

Take her upstairs to give her a bath. She pees on the rug. Give her a bath. She cries (weird, I must have had the water too chilly).

Get her pajamaed and lotioned.

Realize it's 5:30 and I need to make dinner.

Settle her in her swing.

Start browning hamburger. Eat the last brownie.

Listen to Annika cry thinking she'll fall asleep.

Get Levi to leave Kolby and his legos alone.

Help Kolby use the words to ask Levi to leave his legos alone.

Get Sage to bring Levi's Megoblocks downstairs.

Get Levi to leave Kolby and his legos alone.

Direct Levi to the living room to play with his Megablocks. Watch as he dumps them out. Walk away.

Notice that he walked away too.

Finish browning the meat. Drain. Add taco seasoning.

Get out lettuce. Cut it up. Wash it. Dry it off. Put it in a bowl.

Notice Kolby cleaned up his legos without being asked.

Decide to make queso. Get velveeta and Rotel out of the pantry. Chop up velveeta, add Rotel and put it in the microwave.

Set the table. Get out the yogurt, salsa and cheese. Put a jar of olives by Drew's plate.

Drew gets home. Give him a kiss.

Call the boys to the table. Pour milk.

Eat dinner.

Annika wakes up crying. Shove a couple more bites into mouth. Pick her up.

Ask Drew to take her so I can eat one more taco.

Eat two.

Take her back.

Ask everybody's high/low for the day.

Tell Kolby to not talk with food in his mouth.

Tell Kolby to not take a bite until after he answers.

Listen to Kolby cry and tell me that I hurt his feelings.

Tell him he hurt my feelings by crying at me instead of answering my question.

Figure out he says no casts for his high! And his low.

Try to explain highs and lows. Again.

Ask Sage. High: getting his Lego creator set. Low: didn't hear it.

Finish dinner.

Ask Drew to hold Annika while I put the taco meat in the fridge.

He tells Kolby and Sage to get pajamas on.

He tells Levi to go upstairs. He tells me he's going to go change.

He takes Annika.

I put away the meat.

Then put the cold stuff in the fridge.

Then clear the table.

Put the dishes in the dishwasher.

He comes back downstairs.

I make a bad joke about how everything cleaned itself up. And I just finished putting the meat away, while I wash the pan I made the taco meat in.

He hands me Annika.

I say I didn't get to wipe the table off.

He cackles and leaves.

I follow.

He reads to Levi.

I chat with the boys and tell them good night.

I take Annika downstairs. Change her diaper. Nurse her to sleep. Read blogs on the iPad.

Think about the toys on the floor as a blessing, not an annoyance tonight.

Pray for Joanne and family.

Cry a little.

Hold Annika a little longer.

Drew comes downstairs.

Lay Annika down.

Wipe off the table. Sweep the floor.

Get a load of laundry out of the dryer. Put one in the dryer and start another one.

Fold two loads of laundry.

Reply to a couple emails and some comments.

Post my verse to the LPM blog.

Start writing this. Realize it's now 11.

Carry my wear self to bed. Praise Jesus that tomorrow won't be exactly like today.

And trust him for the grace and patience to get through tomorrow.

(I'm not going to go back and edit, not even spell check.)

My Attitude Has Been...

2011-01-14T19:52:00.000-06:00

Craptastic.

Ever since I wrote my last post.

I'm not blaming it on the post.

In fact, I've been struggling for awhile.

Maybe it's the 4 kids thing. Maybe it's the I just had a baby thing (5 months ago, that counts as "just" right?). Maybe it's the adjusting to kindergarten routine thing. Maybe it's the adjusting to a new normal of lots of therapies thing. Maybe it's all of them combined.

I do know that I've been craving chocolatey cakey something all week and I just put a pan of brownies in the oven.

I do know that I felt better last week when I was exercising some. (I started the Couch to 5K running program, by started, I mean I did it like 3 times last week and loved doing it and just haven't had time this week).

I do know that I would love to know who's read this little ole blog! And according to some, it's National Delurking Day!

So, tell me a little about yourself. How did you find my little ~~corner~~ ~~slice~~ itty bitty piece of the world wide web? What do we have in common? Tell me anything, what you ate for breakfast, what your favorite snack is, what your favorite color is. Just tell me something!

I Don't Know What To Title This

2011-01-11T21:53:00.000-06:00

If you've read my Twitter updates, you're already in the know. But here's the rest of the story. Paul Harvey, anyone, no? Ok, moving on.

We drove to the big D on Sunday. We planned to get up early and be there about 12:30 so we could lunch with my aunt and uncle. But, then the alarm went off, or it didn't and all we heard was rain, lots of rain, raining.

Sleeping in until the kids woke us seemed like the better option. A whole hour later (insert something sarcastic here), we got up.

Drew loaded the van while it poured rain and then came in to shower and get dressed.

And it stopped raining.

And we loaded the kids making sure we had the essentials of Diet Dr. Pepper (for me), gum (for Kolby- he is addicted- something about a sensory thing- okay the others like it too, but he always asks for it, like always, like he wakes up in the morning and asks for gum, chews a piece for an hour, spits it out and asks for another, maybe it's because it is was the first word that he could pronounce correctly so he got it whenever he asked for it or the sensory thing, whatever), suckers (for Yebi), the laptop, the iPod touch and the iPad (all for our sanity). We also took (without realizing) Adventures in Odyssey. (I listened to these growing up, on the radio, they are so good- entertaining and makes you use your imagination.) Drew and I enjoy listening to them too. Anyway.

We drove through some hazardous weather conditions, we almost called off our lunch but we made it. Yes, we are from the midwest and we tend to hunker down when we see sleet and a temperature of 32. And we get nervous about the other drivers on the road, obviously, we are superior being from the midwest.

We made it. We ate lunch. We were glad we stopped. Not only were my aunt and uncle there, but both of their kids and most of their families. I hadn't seen them in at least 10 years. And sadly, I've lived 4 hours away for almost 3. My bad. Also, my aunt is an amazing cook, she had turkey, yummy potatoes that my grandma used to make and my mom makes, corn, peas, cheesy broccoli, rolls and then 3 different desserts. Her grandson ratted her out when I said how yummy the chocolate cake was when he said "Oh it was just from the freezer."

We stopped by our hotel and dropped off our luggage and then headed to The Village Church Northway Campus. We were about the oldest people there. And we're not old, or so we tell ourselves! Also, our kids made up 50% of the childcare. And, it was the first time we put Annika in the nursery. In a different church, I'm kind of strange like that.

Now, I'm skipping straight to the doctors appointment the next day at 11, because my word, I've used a lot of words.

He watches Kolby walk then run then takes some x-rays of his feet. Then he talks to us, for about 20 or 30 minutes. It comes down to, we took Kolby out of his night brace about 2 years too early. I really want to defend us and say that we were told to discontinue use of the bar. And then I want to follow that with, we weren't seeing a Ponseti certified doctor. (IF YOU CAME TO MY BLOG BECAUSE OF CLUBFOOT, CLICK THAT LINK!!!) And now, back to what the doctor was saying. He said that the casts that we did with Kolby this summer helped tremendously. He said that Kolby has really good dorsiflexion in both feet. It could be better, but for a CF kid, it's really good. He also said that yes, Kolby has an awkward gait. And that just may be the way he walks. And it's not a big deal. He said the one thing that we could do to improve the dorsiflexion would be to lengthen the Achilles tendon. He said if it were his kid, he wouldn't do that right now. The risks don't out weigh the reward. For now. We're not ruling it out for the future. We just have to see what happens. He also said he doesn't like the orthotics that Kolby was wearing (for only 2 weeks, whew), they hold his foot, his muscles and tendons in a position that is bad for CF kids. With CF kids, we want the foot turned out at as much as possible, we want those muscles to be stretching, not held in one place.

I didn't let myself dream for one second that we would all walk out of the doctors office.

I didn't let myself think through details/logistics of what life with a wheelchair would be like.

I had determined to wait and see. And I had such peace about it. A peace that surpasses understanding. I did worry, but I kept giving it back. I physically lifted my arms and told God, this is Yours, You say to come before you with all requests with thanksgiving. I told Him I would praise Him, no matter what. Not to my glory, but to Yours.

I literally wanted to shout "WAHOOO!!!!" in the parking lot. I constrained myself.

But, my heart was shouting.

Thanks for caring, for reading that long, too many details review. It was the best doctors appointment ever. Also, Kolby was disappointed that he didn't get casts. Go figure.

I Don't Know Where to Begin or End

2011-01-06T22:00:00.000-06:00

We've been potty training for 9 days. Monday night, I gave up. I found an old pull up of Kolby's and put it on Levi. I thought it would at least do the job until I could get the right size Tuesday morning.

Tuesday, he woke up dry. I bought pull ups anyway. I opened the package and put two in the diaper bag.

That day, he continually peed in the potty. I was almost convinced he just wanted me to waste that $10. But, alas, he didn't! He has done so incredibly good but I have been happy to throw that pull up away twice today! So, we're not stopping with the potty training, we're just going to drag it out awhile. I was hoping to get 'er done in three days but knew that he's still quite young. And I'm totally okay with it.

Although, tonight, he yelled from his bed that he had to pee. 4. times. I think somoeone has figured out how to control the flow.

So, remember when I wrote The Next Step? We got the orthotics and Kolby adjusted amazingly well. I don't know why I was so amazed, he has adjusted amazingly to everything that he's gone through. Anyway, we just went to see his physical therapist after 2 weeks vacation, and the first time to see her after Kolby started wearing them. I admit that I was a little excited because Kolby had adjusted so well to them and thinking she was going to gush about how perfect they were and how much they were going to help.

"Well?!" I said.

After a long conversation, she explained that Kolby has been walking on the outside of his foot, like toward his ankle. And the orthotics that we just got and paid a really pretty penny for (okay, insurance did, but whatev) are holding his feet in that position. Awesome. Not really, not at all. At the end of an even longer conversation, we agreed that we needed to get Kolby seen by a doctor. I talked through with her that I was so underwhelmed with our doctor here. He just kind of was like eh, they look as good as they'll get. While at the same time, not really watching Kolby walk all that long. So, we decided to call the doctor that we saw when I was 38 weeks pregnant with Annika.

And to make this long story a tad shorter, we're going on Monday to see him. The physical therapist says that most likely, it will be both feet that need casting, that most likely we'll need a pediatric wheelchair with leg rests, that most likely, it will be 6 weeks.

These are not for sures. These are worst case scenarios.

On a lighter note, because I want to change the subject and not draw out all my thoughts on that last subject, Sage told Annika the other day that she is the prettiest girl in the whole world, even if she is bald!

Sage made a calendar at school for us for Christmas. The other night, he was writing family members birthdays in it. He started looking for Aunt Krista's birthday, Oct. 20. He said "Hey! Who wrote 50, 51, 55, 53...?!" He had written the 2's backwards and then couldn't read them and tried to blame it on someone else!

Sage received his first Bible for Christmas. We gave him an ESV and Drew had told him that Pastor Gregg uses a different version as they talked about following along in church. The other day, Drew said something about the same thing being in his Bible. Sage asked "How come it says the same thing, you said everyone uses a different version?!"

Levi sat in his car seat today, grabbed one hand with his other hand and started hitting himself and saying "Why you hitting yourself, Yebi?"

Then he counted to eleven tonight at dinner.

Kolby is always the first (read: only) kid to notice when we take a different road than normal in the car. He seems to have every route we drive regularly, memorized!

I look through the pictures on our camera and want to cry for all that I haven't written about. I am an amazingly blessed mommy! And please know that I have been taking pictures of our sweet girl. She is quite adorable. Let's take a minute to brag on her. She rolls from tummy to back and back to tummy. And she's been doing it since she was 3 months old. Although, she hasn't figured out that she can do them both. Like she rolls from her back to tummy when she is on the floor and then she cries. She is ready with a smile for almost anyone. She wears really cute bows. Not everyday, but often enough to make my heart happy. Today, she wore a pair of zebra print skinny jeans. I had to shake her into them and peel them down, but oh, the cute! She is finally enjoying rides in the stroller and tolerates the car seat (she even falls asleep, but don't let her know that makes me happp). She wakes up twice a night. (Don't talk to me about that.) She loves to sleep with me. I really love for her to sleep in her own bed. (I wake up so stiff from sleeping in such weird positions as she is always cradled in my arm.) She has slept two nights in her own room. I miss her. I might bring her back. It's not like it's helping her (or me) sleep better. She drools all. the. time. She sucks/chews on her hands, fingers, blanket, burp rag, shirt, or her favorite giraffe. She is starting to spit up less (wahoo!). We discuss almost daily if her eyes are going to be blue or brown. Maybe she'll end up with one of each! The small amount of hair she has looks darkish, although it is starting to look blondish, or it could be just the light reflecting off her bald head!

I had told myself that I would start writing when we get the kids to bed. I had told myslef that I would make this a happy only blog. But, life isn't always happy, so I'm going with what we have. And guess what? It's pretty stinkin great.

If You Came To My House Today

2010-12-28T11:18:00.000-06:00

You would see a 2 year old in Lighting McQueen undies.

You would see a red Ikea potty in our living room.

You would see a roll of paper towels and 409 at the ready.

You would see a missing rug in the living room.

You would see some sort of childrens show on tv.

You would see crumbs under my table.

You would see Legos on half of the table.

You would see girlie blankets draped across various pieces of furniture.

You would see children and their mom still in pajamas.

You would see toys scattered around the floor.

You would see a pile of Christmas cards that didn't get hung.

You would see mail waiting for the post office.

You would see a mess.

And I'm okay with that.

What would I see at your house?

The Next Step

2010-12-11T16:56:00.000-06:00

I feel like I need to catch my blog up to date so when we come back to read this someday,everything will make sense.

We decided to send Kolby to the sweet, little preschool after talking to the director and his teacher. September brought teacher conferences and we faced a harsh reality. He's doing wonderfully in school, he's smart and learning what he should. We have always wondered if we were missing something with Kolby. We could never really describe it, we couldn't put our finger on it, we could barely describe it, we just weren't quite sure.

We had already scheduled Kolby for evaluations at a therapy center. I was confident that he could use some physical therapy to help strengthen his calves. (A side effect of club foot is small calves.) And of course, speech.

The preschool teacher confirmed our suspicions. She mentioned that Kolby had an awkward gait comparitively. (Remember, we were coming off 2 weeks of a casting and that reallly made his gait awkward) When we told her we were getting him evaluated, she was very glad. It confirmed our thinking and at the same time made me sad.

So, we did the initial evaluations and came back with a low muscle tone diagnosis.

Kolby has been doing 2 hours of physical therapy, 2 hours of occupational therapy and 3 hours of speech each week (2 at the therapy center and 1 through the public schools).

His teacher said she has seen big improvements in his big motor skills.

At the same time, his physical therapist noticed that his feet arent working quite right. I'm not sure how to describe it, but his heel isn't really hitting the ground all the time when he walks. She suggested getting some orthotics. We went today to get the castings of his feet, next Saturday we'll get the orthotics.

Honestly, when she showed me the orthotics that Kolby is going to wear, I welled up with tears. I wasn't expecting this. I've always thought that we would be able to put club foot behind us. And they just keep coming back. The orthotist today said he would describe Kolby's feet as resistant club feet.

There is so much I could say about Kolby. And so much I don't know if I should. So, I'm going to stop.

Just know, that I love him with my whole heart. I love his resistant feet and all his quirks. He challenges me in ways he doesn't know. He makes me more dependant on Jesus.

Morning to Evening

2010-11-16T20:09:00.000-06:00

Dinner is cleaned up.

Lunches are packed for tomorrow.

Baths have been given.

Drew is putting the boys to bed after he rocked Annkia to sleep (she hopefully will be waking up to eat once more).

And the house is quiet.

Ahh.

I have moments of pure bliss. The thought "I could have another one." totally swims through my head. Followed by, "I want to homeschool."

Then, I have moments of "What in the heck am I doing?! I can't handle these kids."

The moments that I think what in heck are the moments when I'm a) trying to get something done (laundry, sweep the floor, etc) and keep getting interrupted or b) when I'm trying to do something for myself (like on the internet for myself, not go to the bathroom kind of thing).

So, basically, when I put my kids and their needs first, I feel great and they feel great. When I try to put my desires before their needs, we spiral downward. Those are extreme statements but generally true.

Does that make sense?

There must be a deeper lesson that I am too tired to convey.

This morning, I really wanted to go on a walk. We took Kolby to school and then when we got home, I fed Annika and tried putting her back in her carseat to go in the stroller. She got mad. I put shoes on Levi. She was still mad. I got the stroller out of the van. Still mad. I loaded Levi in the stroller. Still mad. I put her in the stroller. Really angry. We walked 100 feet and I turned around and came home. Except I got mad. Mad at the baby who wouldn't stop crying, mad because I wasn't getting to do what I wanted to do. {Am I 2?! Don't answer that.}

We got in the house, I took her out of her carseat and she instantly stopped crying. I held her for a bit and then put her in her bouncy seat. Where she proceeded to fall asleep. Really, she couldn't have fallen asleep in the carseat in the stroller? I had let it go by that point. And I did get stuff done around the house. So, there's that.

After picking up Kolby from school, Levi had fallen asleep in the car and Annika had screamed the whole way there, while waiting in line and the whole way home. She's persistent. I got her out of her car seat and she instantly stopped crying (see a trend?). Then I tried to get Levi out, except he wasn't waking up. So, I had Annika in one arm and Levi in the other and an SUV slows way down and a lady hands me a business card and says "Maybe I help you?" She's a cleaning lady. Wonder why she thought I needed help!

How you doin?

2010-11-15T19:48:00.000-06:00

Today was busy. But, mostly because I made it busy. I went to three different Targets to find a shirt. I saw someone wearing it yesterday at church and had to have it. It's perfect. An open, drapey cardigan, super soft like a sweatshirt and I was in love. I found it in heather gray at the first store but thought I wanted black. The second store didn't have any of them. And the third store had two in black, both the wrong size. So, I bought the gray. And I'm going to wear the threads out of it.

Tonight I said "Holy Cow!" Sage told me I said a bad word. First, I had to ask him what I said. Second, I had to ask him why it was bad. I was genuinly confused. He said "It doesn't honor Jesus. And you're saying a cow is holy and it's not." Um, put in place by a 6 year old. Dang.

This weekend, we had some friends from college come visit. Last time we saw them, we had two kids and she was pregnant with their first. Now, they have two. It was so fun! We ate and talked and talked and ate some more. We played remember when and encouraged each other regarding our parenting skills. I loved having them here and it just wasn't enough time. We didn't even take any pictures. So pathetic.

We're getting our family pictures taken this weekend. I think I've got our outfits figured out. I totally over thought them. That's what I do. I solicited advice from friends. That's what I do. I kind of wish someone would say, here, wear this. And we'd all look totally fabulous. You know, put together but not matchy-matchy. I have a hard time thinking not matchy-matchy. So, we'll go matchy-matchy this time, but next time, I'm gonna make Annalee help me more. She did give advice and I did take it. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Tonight, we played trust falls. You know, where one person falls and the person behind them, catches them. Kolby thought it was so hilarious when Drew caught me. At first, the boys couldn't fall. I had to coach them to be stiff as a board. They got it after I held their feet a couple times. Drew totally dropped Kolby the first time I held his feet. Not bad, but it made me laugh. And Kolby got up and tried it again. I'm not sure he even realized Drew dropped him.

Whew. I feel like I just talked a mile a minute. {Breathe out.} How are you?

No Years Old

2010-11-11T08:01:00.000-06:00

Levi's birthday was yesterday and I've been meaning to write a post all about Levi since he was about 15 months old, so I started writing this about a month ago!

The thing is, putting words on Levi is like picking up a raw egg off the floor. It's so slippery, it can't be done. I'm afraid that describing him with words just won't be enough. And weirdly enough, I'm afraid it will sound like I'm bragging, like "Look what my kid can do!"

So, look what my kid can do!

Levi, you are 2 years old or a better definition, No years old.

You have adjusted to Annika beautifully. You love to hold her (you say hol her?) and bring me diapers. You also love to climb into my lap while she nurses. Sometimes I read you a book, sometimes we just talk. Mostly me telling you that I love you. And you saying back "I yove you, Mom." Melt my heart sweet.

You can be super sweet. You give lots of really good hugs and kisses. You eagerly tell us you love us. You yell good night from your crib. When Drew leaves for work in the morning, you are often sitting in your chair at the table, and yell while he is opening the door "Yove you dad!"

Speaking of your chair at the table, you can buckle and unbuckle it. You started unbuckling yourself right after Annika was born. Unlucky for your mama who needs you to be safe and in one spot sometimes! Luckily, you haven't figured out your car seat buckles!

You talk! A lot! And repeat everything! You have been talking since right around a year, maybe earlier. You have amazed us with your talking. You know how or at least you used to say mine correctly but now you say mise. I have a hard time correcting that one because who wants their kid to say mine all the time? You say never all the time. It makes Kolby so mad. But when someone asks a question, usually to go somewhere or eat something you respond with "No. Never."

For a couple of months, you were crying when we put you to bed. It was just about 10 minutes but we couldn't figure out why you were crying. And then we went on vacation and you slept in the same room as Sage and Kolby and you didn't cry. When we got home, we moved your crib into the boys' room and you stopped crying! (This was a month or two before Annika was born.)

Then you started crying again. We would tell you to climb into your crib and watch as you tried so hard to get into bed. And then we'd laugh a little and lift you in. We soon realized that you were upset that you couldn't get into your bed like your brothers did. So, now we make sure to lower the crib rail, you climb in and no crying!

You count to nine. I'm not kidding and no I didn't teach you. We were driving home after dropping Kolby off at school and I hear your little, high pitched voice counting to nine. I couldn't believe it. I made you do it again and you couldn't. Then a week or so later, you did it again. You love to look at books and count things in the book. You also know some colors. Again, I didn't teach you. You know blue, green and red every time. Sometimes you get yellow and purple.

You point out every school bus and motorcycle you see. You used to point out every car or truck. So, when I was driving you would look out the window and say "Car, truck, truck, car, car, truck." On and on. And you were excited about everyone that you saw!

You can name a monkey, tiger, squirrel, giraffe, elephant, bird, snake, dog, and cat. You love to tell us what they say. I love to ask you what a monkey says because I love the way you say ooh, ooh, aah, aah.

You like to pretend that you are a dog. You crawl around and bark, which is more like a yap. If you were classified, you would be one of the annoying yip yap dogs! And you lick us when you are pretending to be a dog.

You have also been seen pretending to be a frog. Hopping around on all fours saying ribbit!

When you play with your trains and track, you yell "All aboard!"

You have been pretending for a long time, since around 15 months. You would feed us pretend food from pretend dishes.

You can name everyone in our family from a picture or when someone points to them. You call Kolby, Bolby. (Sage used to say Holby) You say Anka.

When asked:

What's you name? Yebi!
How old are you? BIG!
How old are you? One.
Who made you? God.
Where is God? Everywhere. (while spreading both of your arms out)

You love cheese sticks. You will literally eat as many as I let you. You eat whole grapes and have for a long time. I would cut them up and you wouldn't eat them because they didn't look like the ones on your brothers plate.

You chew gum. It rarely makes it to the garbage, you swallow it first!

You want to do everything your brothers do and generally, you keep up and do what they do!

You are either Kolby's best friend or worst enemy. You enjoy antagonizing him. If he yells yes, you yell no. If he yells no, you yell yes. It' s really fun in the van as you make Kolby cry just because you are yelling the opposite of whatever he is saying. (Totally sarcastic.)

As soon as you are sitting on the time out step, you yell "Sowwy mom, sowwy!" Sometimes, it gets you out early.

So many times a day, you say "Noise?" And then you answer yourself "Anka cwying?" Or you start guessing other people's names. Or if we're in the car, you say "Car honking?" And you look at me with a questioning look on your face and will continue to guess until I tell you the source of the noise.

Levi, you are complete sunshine, except when you're laying face down on the floor crying. But, even then, I still (usually) smile and laugh a little, but not while you are looking at me. I look forward to you waking up in the morning. You make me laugh. You make me smile. You are the perfect third born son. I love you to the moon and back.

Chatty

2010-11-03T12:00:00.000-05:00

Pretend we're somewhere together, preferably comfortable like Starbucks with venti hot chocolates and we snagged the comfy chairs.

Or my living room. And all the kids are sleeping or at school. I like that better. I have homemade chocolate chip cookies and I can brew coffee or make hot chocolate. With marshmallows!

It's time to pick Kolby up from preschool, but I'm not picking him up because he isn't there. He has impetigo. So, we're home and it's the perfect day to be home. 50's, rainy and cold. I'm wearing my new comfy socks that I won at Bunco for losing the most games.

Except I dressed Annika like we were going to run errands and go to church tonight. So she looks cute. With a bow! I mean she's cute everyday even if she just wears pajamas, but today, I changed her out of her pajamas. And yes, somedays she stays in her jammies all day. And somedays I don't change her into clean jammies before I put here to bed.

My house is quiet. I made Kolby and Levi lay down for naps at 11. I wanted them to sleep so they will be awake to pick up Sage after school. And Annika fell asleep while I nursed her and I just laid her down.

I can say it's cold here. And I love it. I dressed all my kids in pants yesterday and today. I pray that this cooler weather stays and we aren't wearing shorts at Christmas.

Somedays I feel like I really suck at being a mom. Okay, a lot of days I think that. I am impatient more than patient. I am not slow to anger. It all comes back to selfishness. I want my house to stay picked up and looking clean. I don't want to wait for them to learn how to do something, I just do it myself because it's quicker. I constantly feel rushed even if we have a lot of time. I constantly feel like there is something I should be doing. Laundry. Picking up. Cleaning. Buying something. Someone usually needs something.

Even right now, I should be sweeping and mopping. Instead of writing.

Everyday, I pray for patience, calmness and to be filled with love. I pray that for the boys' teachers too. I pray it for the boys too.

And now, I can't think of anything else except that I should be sweeping, mopping, putting away laundry and picking up. I guess that's my cue to go. These opportunities are rare. I don't want to waste it. Or am I?

stream of camping

2010-11-02T08:23:00.000-05:00

We went camping last weekend.

We didn't leave when we planned. We got there after dark. And it was cold.

Annika cried 3/4 of the drive.

I forgot ketchup, syrup, eggs and the sleepywrap.

I'm a babywearing mama who forgot her sling.

Drew had already set up the tent that morning. And then drove home.

Drew did all the work.

He set up the tent.

He blew up the air mattresses.

He rolled out the sleeping bags. Set up the pack-n-play. Laid out the pillows.

I changed the boys into warmer clothes.

Annika cried.

The boys went to bed. I laid in there with Annika to nurse her to sleep.

I ended up falling asleep too.

And then waking up at midnight FREEZING! Seriously, 40 degrees.

Saturday, Drew fixed bacon. I forgot eggs and syrup so we skipped those.

We ate hostess donuts.

The boys explored around our campsite.

The boys played baseball.

I hit a homerun.

Drew struck out.

I held Annika.

We took a walk. Taking turns who carried Annika and who took pictures.

We ate hot dogs with no ketchup roasted over the fire for lunch.

Drew took Sage and Kolby on a paddle boat.

Levi took a nap.

I read and held Annika.

Drew packed up the tent. I stuffed the sleeping bags and packed the bags back up.

He put away the camp kitchen. Took the tent down, rolled it and put it in the bag.

I rolled sweet potatoes in foil to cook in the fire.

Annika cried.

I made a tin foil dinner of ham topped with pinapple and honey.

Annika cried.

We ate dinner.

Roasted marshmallows for s'mores.

Didn't eat enough s'mores.

Packed up.

Drove home.

Sage slept.

Kolby slept.

Annika cried.

Levi talked.

We'll do it again.

Someday.

And plan better.

Camping is a lot of work.

(Sorry no pictures, I have just enough time to write this. Maybe I'll add pictures later. I want to. Life is busy.)

Fluke or a Big Joke

2010-10-16T16:17:00.000-05:00

Annika slept through the night ~~last~~ Monday (yes, it's been that long since I started writing this) night. And when I say slept through the night, I mean all the way. 10:30 to 8:00am.

I know! I couldn't believe it! She's my first baby to sleep through the night so young.

I think it was a fluke or a big joke. It was, she hasn't done it, nor come close again.

Maybe she did get switched at birth.

That (Monday night) evening I had 31 minutes in which I didn't have to hold her. I knew time was limited so I was scrambling to do something I enjoyed.

It was enought time to do nothing. And I didn't enjoy it enough.

She's kind of high maintance. During the day, she likes to be held. A lot. Kind of all the time. She'll only sleep, in my arms. She'll only look around happily, in my arms.

It doesn't help that almost every afternoon is spent waiting somewhere for someone. The opportunities for her to sleep in her bed and not on me are few.

And I know that someday, I'm going to miss this.

But right now, I miss being by myself. I miss coming here and writing something, anything.

And then I feel guilty. Guilty for not wanting to hold my sweet girl. all. the. time.

Guilty for wanting some time away from my sweet baby.

Guilty that the time she sleeps in her bassinet isn't enough for me.

I crave more time alone.

Changing topics: I want to make my pictures, unclickable. A friend linked to this but it is different than what my html code is for my pictures. Anyone want to help me out?


Thanks Grandma for our shirts! (Kolby's matching shirt was in the wash)

Catching a smile before church last Sunday.


Kolby wanted in on the photo shoot.

I'm That Mom

2010-10-06T11:41:00.000-05:00

I'm that mom who after Annika drenched herself in spit up, changed her outfit. I tried wiping it off, thought about letting it air dry and then I put my hand on her little chest and realized how wet she got herself. We were sitting in Sunday School and I changed her into my spare outfit from the diaper bag (not the first time I've used the spare outfit on a Sunday, apparantly she likes to do damage on Sunday mornings).

I'm that mom who cringed and giggled a little, a few minutes later as she filled her pants, quite loudly. Loud enough to make the people around us giggle.

I'm that mom who cringed and giggled a minute later as she let out a man-fart that resulted in more giggling around us. You know the farts, the ones that the baby lets out but it leaves you wondering who it really was.

I'm the mom that dutifully took my sweet girl out of Sunday School to change her diaper.

I'm that mom who cringed as I put my hand in something wet oozing out the side.

I'm that mom who realized she had one outfit soaked with spit up and one outfit with poop. And that it left no outfits. No onesies. Just a diaper and a swaddling blanket.

I'm that mom who bummed a onesie off another mom in the nursing room.

I'm that mom who dressed her first daughter after three sons in a boy onesie. A brown boy onesie. A brown boy onesie that said "handsome".

I'm that mom who put her pink bow on with the brown onesie that said "handsome". And then wrapped her in the swaddling blanket.

I'm that mom whose son ran around the therapy center wearing a diaper and a shirt for two hours on Monday.

I'm that mom who thinks I should start carrying more clothes in my van.

I'm that mom that probably won't.

Thoughts

2010-09-29T16:20:00.000-05:00

I need a shower.

I want to put this baby down.

Why does Levi hit Kolby and only Kolby?

Why does Kolby cry so much?

How do you teach self-control?

Am I going to get a shower today?

If I do get a shower, will I be able to put make up on and do something besides a pony tail to my hair?

Why is my diaper bag 8000 pounds and awkward to carry?

I have a weird bruse on the inside of my upper arm. Maybe I have leukemia.

I hate waking up Levi and Annika to pick up Sage.

Carrying a car seat in one arm and Levi in the other better tone my arms.

How many more minutes will Annika lay there quietly?

How many minutes will the boys ignore her crying?

Should I buy her a different headband if the one she has leaves marks on her head?

How much is too much to pay for bows?

What's the perfect diaper bag?

Maybe having a baby doesn't make me think deeply.

Maybe having a baby makes me think deeper...

2010-09-28T11:21:00.000-05:00

Seriously, so many thoughts rushing through my head. I've been reading Radical by David Platt along with Marla. I can call her my friend. I met her last January. Anyway.

Did you know that there isn't a place in the Bible where it says to bow your head and pray to ask Jesus into your heart?

I guess I did. But I never really thought about it. Jesus says "Come, follow me." He tells us to give up everything for him. E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Kids, husbands, parents, brothers, sisters, stuff. Everything.

Do I? No. Have I? No. Will I? I really want to.

I want to live radically. I want to be able to give up everything.

Part of me thinks that if I'm willing, God just might call me out on that. And then what?

I'd really have to trust him.

My heart and flesh are so weak.

I can only do anything by the grace of God.

Everyday, I realize more and more how I can't do anything without the grace and love of God in me to do the work through me.

Because me, by myself? Am selfish and prideful.

And that's why I need Him.

stream of conciousness

2010-09-22T14:18:00.000-05:00

I have so little time for myself these days. How do I forget the newborn days of holding a baby, rocking, nursing and slinging a baby all. day. long. Somedays when I finally lay her down for bed around 10ish, I try to think of how many times I've actually laid her down that day. It is usually not many.

But today! I just got Annika to lay down for a nap and Kolby and Levi are also napping. I don't know how I did it. She might be sleeping in a dirty diaper but I won't tell.

I went to the ER last weekend because I broke out in hives. From a fire ant bite. I was flipping out. I am normally calm and can handle a crisis but I was totally and completely flipping out. My fingers and wrists were swelling so much that it hurt to bend them. That's when the nurse told me to go to the ER. Long story short, I now carry an epi pen. I'll be tested for fire ant allergies in 2 weeks and supposedly can be cured within 2 - 3 years receiving some shots. I have no idea how it works. And I felt really bad for Kolby when he reacted to his shot. It was awful. Not something that I want to repeat again.

I have thought of so many things to write about but just don't have the time. And now that I'm sitting here at my computer in a quiet, messy house with laundry that needs folding and put away, listening to the baby on the monitor stirring and hoping she's not waking up yet and looking at the clock counting down the minutes until I need to wake everyone up to go pick up Sage and I can't think of a thing to write.

Apparantly, I'm still in the mushy baby brain stage. I can't say that I ever really came out of that stage.

Love Mercy

2010-09-15T14:16:00.000-05:00

I don't know where to begin. I don't know what to tell you.

I've had a stirring in my heart for quite some time. A stirring to do more. Do more for the widows, the orphans and the poor. Like Jesus commands.

Sure, we sponser two Compassion kids. But, it's not enough. We can do more.

There is a ministry that is in the beginning stages, called The Mercy House . My friend (I use that term loosely, I met her once at a blog meet up dinner and haven't spoken to her since!) went to Kenya. And from that trip, God stirred a passion inside her for Africa. So, she's obeying what God has laid on her heart.

Her family is starting The Mercy House .

Please go to their site and click around.

What is it? A maternity house for pregnant girls in Kenya.

Why? Because every 30 minutes a girl is raped in Kenya. Because mothers often sell their daughters bodies for food for the family. Becasue 26,000 girls die from an infection from having an illegal abortion.

The Vision:

Provide a safe place-a guarded home with six maternity beds
Prenatal Care-vitamins, checkups
Proper Nutrition-protein and regular meals
Counseling-post abortion/prostitution
Ministry-prayer, Biblical teaching
Skills-jewelry, soap, sewing (future products will be sold here)
A nurturing environment in-which to give birth
A safe place to stay and learn and heal until they graduate from the program
A fund to start small business or go to school

I'm excited about this. I want you to be excited about this too! Please, go visit The Mercy House and see if the Lord stirs your heart. And then answer that stirring. Or just go look around.

Happy Birthday Drew!

2010-09-14T10:55:00.000-05:00

Today is a big birthday for Drew. He's turning 20-10. He says he has felt thirty for a long time, so he's glad it's finally here. Having 4 kids before you're 30 might do that!

Drew is the best husband. He doesn't seem to ever get annoyed by me. Even when I'm reallly trying to annoy him!

He is so wonderful with the boys and so sweet with Annika. He calls her beautiful already and has taught the boys to say the same. Seriously, so sweet to hear Levi say "Hello booiful." Melt your heart. And melt it again knowing he's copying his daddy.

He makes me laugh even when I'm not feeling like laughing.

He makes me feel beautiful even when I'm not feeling beautiful.

He makes me want to pursue Christ more and deeper because he is doing it.

He makes me want to do more than my best raising our kids together.

He makes me feel like nobody can do what I do.

He provides every need and a whole lot of our desires.

He loves to give.

He likes to explore with our family.

He's ready for adventure.

He comes home and is a dad and husband after a really long day of work, he always has more to give us.

And then he works a little more after the kids are in bed.

He's the best.

Love you Drew!

Thanks James and Judy for raising such a great son. Thanks Judy for birthing him 30 years ago today!

A List

2010-09-02T09:30:00.000-05:00

My mind is mushy.

I blame the baby.

So, a post, in list format.

1. We changed our minds. Kolby's going to pre-school. I talked to the director and the teacher and feel better about that. After we changed our minds, I bought him bigger underwear. And since then, he hasn't pooped in his pants once. Go figure.

2. At Sage's school, hot lunch is $2, including milk. That seems really cheap to us, is it? We made a deal with him that he can buy lunch twice a week and I'll pack a lunch 3 times a week. I really love the days he buys lunch. He also has to take a snack since lunch is at 10:50!

3. We've got the routine of Sage going to school and next week, we add Kolby. Sage gets dropped off at 8 and Kolby's school starts at 9. Um, what am I supposed to do for an awkward hour? That really isn't an hour after you drive to Kolby's school. It's going to make driving through McDonald's to get a mocha frappe way too easy. I love those.

4. Kolby started speech yesterday. He'll go Tuesday and Friday. Those days are going to be rough. Levi will either get no nap or very little.

5. I was thinking woe is me with all the dropping off and picking up I'll be doing and how much it's going to mess with naps for my littles. And then I remembered it's only a phase. This is the only year it will be like this. Remind me of that, kay?

6. I started reading Radical by Dave Platts last night. It already started messing with me.

7. The heat is bringing me down. It puts me in a bad mood and causes me to research jobs in Alaska for Drew. Okay, not really, not Alaska, but seriously, the humidity is oppressing me.

8. Annika is all kinds of cute.

9. I get some sleep. Some nights are better than others. She sleeps in her bassinet next to our bed and usually makes her way in our bed. I can't be bothered to sit up to nurse her in the night. I wake up occasionally and switch sides with her. So, I really don't know how long or how much she is eating in the night. See number 3 and my new love of mocha frappe.

10. Seriously, she is the cutest. She is also an amazing pooper and spitter. She's pooped on me twice. And she spits up a lot. Usually getting more on me than herself.

First Day of Kindergarten

2010-08-24T13:23:00.000-05:00

The First Day

I gave you a little wink and smile

As you entered my room today.

For I know how hard it is to leave

And know your child must stay.

You've been with him for ~~five~~ six years now

And have been a loving guide,

But now, alas, the time has come

To leave him at my side.

Just know that as you drive away

And tears down your cheeks may flow

I'll love him as I would my own

And help him learn and grow.

For as a parent, I too know

How quickly the years do pass

As I remember the day it was my turn

To take my child to class.

So please put your mind at ease

And cry those tears no more

For I will love him and take him in

When you leave him at my door.

~Author Unknown

The teacher handed me this poem as we dropped him off at her door. I had choked back tears already and then almost did the ugly cry reading it in the van. I didn't have time to cry, we were off to Annika's 2 week check up! I made cookies as a special first day of school snack.

The little boy sitting across from Sage we "met" at meet the teacher. I asked his name and he said "I don't talk very much. I do tai kwon do. I defend myself." And that was that.

Because my sister asked nicely. And she's really cute. No, I don't know who she looks like.

stream of conciousness

2010-08-22T11:50:00.000-05:00

Last week, Annika and I continued to get her heel pricked and I continued to be Queen of the Valet as Gretchen kindly named me! Seriously, I parked valet almost everytime, and everytime, they greeted with me a big "Hello!", left my van in the circle and put my key in a special place. It was especially helpful on Friday when I took all 4 kids by myself. It was our first outing the five of us and it went really smoothly.

Sage starts kindergarten tomorrow! We met his teacher and got to see his classroom. I am so excited for him, he's so excited. I can't believe he's going to kindergarten. He got the teacher that I would have chosen for him. She seems so sweet. I'm preparing for his first week to be emotional for both of us.

Kolby gets his cast off on Tuesday! And we'll find out the next step. I'm excited and of course, nervous. We've made some big decisions regarding Kolby. We decided to not send him to preschool and Drew and I will do preschool with him at home. I'm reallly excited about it for a number of reasons. I think he and I will love having this time together and he will really thrive with one on one attention from me. I pray that he and Levi will learn to love each other more and play together better. Sometimes, they do great and sometimes, Levi is an antagonist. We're going to take it one year at a time and see what he needs. He'll still do some speech through the public school.

Last week, Drew's sister, Krista came to help. She was such a help! This week, I'm all on my own. I can do it!

The boys have adjusted really well. They aren't overly excited about her, but they are sweet towards her. Does that make sense?

I need to write a post about Levi. I start and stop in my head because to describe him in words is so hard. He's so funny. And so smart. And so naughty. And so funny. He can buckle and unbuckle his high chair.

I can't believe Sage is starting kindergarten tomorrow!

Our house got really small, how did that happen? And I got really anal about having clutter out, it makes me twitch. Sage loves to clutter the top of our bookshelf because he can reach it and the other boys can't, so he puts things up there that he doesn't want them to get and it drives me crazy!

I need to stop writing. I could go on and on.

I will get out of the house today.

Moo

2010-08-17T15:23:00.001-05:00

We had picked up Drew's sister from the airport and Annika decided she was hungry. We were still 30 minutes from home so I decided to find a parking lot and feed her.

I heard Kolby say "Drive, Mom!"

Sage responded "She can't! She's milking!"

8-9-10

2010-08-15T21:56:00.001-05:00

I messed up last night and wrote that Titi broke my water at 9:32, it was actually 9:45 and she was born at 10:32. I really want to remember that correctly!

In honor of August 15th, Annika's due date, I thought it appropriate to write out her birth story.

Last Sunday, I was feeling so great, so content to be pregnant. Then I woke up on Monday.

I didn't feel good. My body hurt. And just ugh. I had ~~begged~~ kindly asked a friend to take Sage for the day because we'd had a really low key weekend with Levi being sick and I knew I wasn't going to be able to take them anywhere because Levi was still sick and I wasn't sure where we could go with Kolby's cast. It just seemed too much.

We took him to the meeting place since they had to come near our house for a dentist appointment. I had asked if I could pack him an overnight bag "just in case". This is a family with 4 boys, the youngest 2 being 6 and 8. Later that day, she offered to keep him overnight and I decided that was a great idea.

I had contractions on and off all day, but nothing really significant. Probably about one an hour. From 3 to 4, they started coming more frequently. But the more I moved around, packing a bag for the other boys, picking up the house, the less I felt them. I just felt so irritable and yucky. I would read a blog comment about how great it was that I was so content and feel worse because I was feeling so yucky!

Drew was working late that night. He had a ton of work to do last week with a presentation on Tuesday morning. I felt some pressure not to have the baby since he had so much to do. I guarantee that was all in my head and Drew didn't put that pressure on me.

So, around 5 I started to get the feeling that these weren't really going away, maybe we should be prepared to do something about them. I finished packing my bag, packed a bag for Kolby and Levi, and texted Drew.

I started to get irritated around 6 that Drew was still at the office and not on his way home. I had been texting him the contractions, from 5 - 6, they were about every 10 minutesish. Not super consistent but some bringing tears to my eyes. Did I mention that the previous Wednesday at my appointment I was dialated to 4, probably 5? And received instructions for what to do if we delivered in the car? We were told not to mess around with contractions.

I called Drew and talked to him about the contractions. He asked what I thought we should do. I said "I think you should come home!"

When he got home, I called the midwives to let them know what was happening. We still needed to take our boys to a different friends house, so I told her we were probably still about an hour and 15 minutes away by the time we dropped them off and then drove back to the med center. She seemed a little like hmm, your still an hour away?

Drew took the boys inside, I said good bye from the van, I was crying a little because of a hardish contraction. Our friends were so sweet yelling encouragement as we gave them no instructions for our kids and took off.

As we drove towards the hospital, my contractions kept coming but kind of further apart. I started to think we might get sent home. Maybe laughed at.

We pulled into the valet and a wave of pain overcame me. I told Drew I would get out in a minute.

After we got admitted, Titi, the midwife, checked me and said I was 7, probably 8. A wave of relief overcame me and I smiled. I was so glad she wasn't going to send us home!

We asked what she thought about breaking my water. (Some of the midwives would be a little more hesitant and want to see what happens) She said it's up to us. We said, bring it!

We told her we really wanted an 8-9-10 baby, she smiled and said "Well, lets get this going!" You have to imagine a beautiful black woman with long dread locks saying that in a British accent. She is Nigerian British. Her voice is incredibly smooth and calming.

She struggled breaking my water saying I had a hard bag of waters. I guess that was a good thing! After she broke my water, the contractions changed dramatically. It was 9:45 pm. I have no idea how often they came, but they hurt, a lot. She monitored the baby through a few of them and then let me get off the bed.

I immediately moved into a position of leaning on Drew and rocking side to side. She was rubbing my lower back, the perfect place where it had hurt all through my pregnancy.

I moved to leaning on the bed and even squatted through a couple. She was really encouraging and told me to think about those muscles relaxing and opening up and bringing the baby down.

She suggested getting back on the bed at one point so I climbed up. I remember gasping and Drew asking "What's wrong?!" I gave him a dirty look and said "It hurts!" I was proud that was the only mean thing I said through the labor.

She checked me again and said I was complete but still at a plus station. Here's where it might get too graphic. She kept doing something, pulling something back(? fuzzy details, for a reason! I can't remember and it's probably a good thing!). I just know it hurt terribly. And I wanted her hand out of there!

At that point, she said if I gave her two or three good pushes, I'd be done.

Then she made me turn around and face the back of the bed. It felt worse, so I turned back around. Later, she told me she saved me from a lot of pushing by having me do that.

It probably took 5 good pushes with me telling myself I can do it and Drew and Titi kept encouraging me that the baby was coming. She's right there.

With one of the pushes, I felt her right there, I felt her coming and pushed harder. There may have been some screaming involved.

I heard Titi explain to Drew that she would deliver the head and then he could catch the baby. I heard her explain how to position his hands. I remember wanting to open my eyes and see what was happening but I couldn't. I had to keep pushing.

It was 10:32 pm. 47 minutes.

Drew describes catching her like catching someone who had bathed in plaster of paris. And it was beautiful. He laid her on my stomache and there she stayed for awhile. Then she went over to be weighed, 8lbs. 9oz. We were surprised she was so big, our second biggest after Sage, 8lbs. 14oz.

After she was weighed, measured (19in.) and swaddled she came back to me to be nursed for the first time. After nursing, her blood sugar was low, so I gave her an ounce of formula by syringe. It came right up and stayed up after the next time I nursed her. She scored an 8 then 9 on her apgar.

I loved the midwife that I delivered with, Titi. She stopped the nurse from giving me an iv and she kept reassuring the nurse that she wasn't worried about my bleeding. The nurse seemed to think it wasn't enough.

I also loved the hospital. They were very hands off. I even gave her first bath. The second night, they didn't come in once, just let me take care of her as need be and get as much sleep as possible. I enjoyed not being poked or prodded all night long.

I'm hitting publish because I want to be done and Annika needs me again! Sorry for any typos, I'm trying to remember everything for my sweet baby girl.

She is perfect in every way.

Saturday Thoughts

2010-08-14T14:57:00.000-05:00

Annika's billirubin is still high. 15.0 today, down from 15.1 yesterday. She's supposed to be in the billi bassinet as much as possible. Right now she is sleeping on my chest which is absolute perfection. Not as perfect was when she spit up on me after nursing, all over my clean nursing tank! Oh well, she's worth it.

We've been to the hospital everyday since Thursday and will go back again tomorrow and probably Monday. And yes, I 've parked valet everyday for free and they even leave my van in the circle, moving it only if needed. In fact, yesterday, they didn't let me walk the 100 feet that they had parked it, instead having me wait for them to drive it around the circle again. And then he folded up my stroller for me.

And yes, they smile, wave or say hello when they see me get out.

The boys seem to be adjusting well. Kolby and Levi are pretty enamored with her. They ask to see her and ask about her. Kolby likes to hold her. Sage is more like "eh, whatever, a new baby." He's adjusting to being a big helper as I need him to hold Levi's hand to get to our house from the van.

I look forward to having a morning where I don't get up and get ready to go to the hospital for a heel prick. But putting it in perspective helps, she's not in the hospital, it could be so much worse.

Physically, I'm feeling really great. I know it is God's grace and his face shining down on me.

Kolby got his cast changed yesterday. He wasn't scared of the saw at all! He laughed the entire time they used the saw. He picked blue this week. He'll wear it until next Tuesday when the doctor is back in town and at that appointment, the doctor will determine if he needs surgery on his foot to move a tendon. I'm not thinking about it unless we have a need.

And in total honesty, Kolby is having many accidents again. Both. It started before he got the first cast but got worse with the cast. I'm at my witts end with this. I kind of feel like he's playing us. He stops getting candy and praise for doing what he needs to do and then he goes back to going in his underwear. It's really frustrating. We keep telling him his preschool won't let him come if he doesn't act like a big boy. I'm really considering pulling him out. Maybe he just isn't ready.

If only each kid came out with an individualized instruction manual.

Sage starts kindergarten a week from Monday. I still need to register him. It's on the list of things to do Monday before noon. Along with get another billi check (most likely) and pick up Drew's sister from the airport.

In other news: life, it just doesn't stop.

First Day Home

2010-08-12T20:43:00.000-05:00

We got up early and started getting ready to go back to the hospital for a simple billiribon test.

Sage, Annika and I went, Kolby and Levi were still at a friends house.

To make things even simpler, I parked valet.

After we waited to be admitted for 30 minutes, the heel prick went fast.

We paid for valet and sat down to wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. Then, we waited some more. After 20 minutes, the valet man came up to me and asked if it was a single key or if it was on a keychain and what color is the key.

Then we waited some more. After about 10 more minutes, I started to walk towards the valet desk, as they walked towards me.

My key is lost. They're going to look a little more.

More waiting and 15 minutes later, the key is really lost.

Arrangements are made to drive the 3 of us home, get a spare key and come back to pick up the key.

I had seperated the van key from the rest of my keys so I had the clicker to get the infant seat.

Drew taught me that. Always seperate the keys. Don't give them all the keys. I always rolled my eyes.

Thankfully, today, I rolled my eyes as I did it myself.

And then, they lost my key.

The manager thanked me for not freaking out and for seperating my keys. She felt like they would find it by noon tomorrow. If not, we'll take steps to replace the key.

I got two complimentary valets.

5 minutes after we drove away, she called.

They found my key.

So, tomorrow when we go back for another billirubin test, valet or no valet?

Annika in Pictures

2010-08-11T18:49:00.000-05:00

Moments after delivery.

Proud Daddy

Sweet Sister

Birth Story Coming Soon...

And Pictures with Brothers (Maybe)

Annika Louise

2010-08-10T15:09:00.000-05:00

Made Her Grand Debut 8-9-10 at 10:32pm.

Weighing in at 8lbs. 9oz!

19 inches long.

Pictures coming soon. Like when we're home from the hospital and have a faster internet connection.

39 Week Thoughts

2010-08-08T20:20:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I haven't met our sweet girl. But, I'm strangely, rarely anxious about getting her out!

God's timing is perfect as he showed us this weekend when Levi came down with the flu Friday night. If we had agreed to breaking my water last week like the midwife suggested, we would have been bringing a newborn home to a flu infested home. I'm so glad Levi is feeling much better this evening. He was back to his naughty self, climbing the fridge and bugging his brothers.

I'm 5cm dilated as of last Wednesday. The midwife was willing to break my water the next morning. But I really wanted to take Kolby to his doctor appointment. After we got home, I kept thinking, anytime, I'm ready, maybe this weekend. And then Levi got sick and I thought, not this weekend, please don't make me pass off a sick kid to a friend.

Tomorrow, I'm ready! I always kind of wanted tomorrow because of the date, 08/09/10, but I didn't really think that I would keep her in this long. Sage was born 11 days early, Kolby was born 16 days early and Levi was born 15 or 6 days early depending on which due date you go by.

I'm starting to wonder if my body will just keep dilating, but will contractions start, will my body really go into labor or will I get to 10 and then just push and there she comes! My sister was dilated to 4 or 5 with her fourth baby, her doctor sent her to the hospital with no contractions and her baby was born 38 minutes after they broke her water. My midwife did tell me what to do in the event we have a car birth. I'm more nervous about giving birth at home. The mess, and what would the boys see and do? I'll just push that thought back to the back of my mind.

I've had my bag packed and have been driving around sitting on a towel, just in case.

Me, today. 39 Weeks.

Kolby's Casted

2010-08-06T16:35:00.000-05:00

It felt like forever in coming and then such a non-exciting event. I've been anticipating this doctor's appointment for 2 weeks. Will I like the doctor? Will he agree with the first prognosis? I didn't sleep well at all last night. Not surprising being 9 months pregnant but worse than usual. I could tell I was anxious. I kept giving it back to God, but it kept eating at me.

He listened to my story, felt Kolby's foot for dorsiflexion, asked if I wanted to start casting today and told us to meet him in the casting room while asking Kolby what color cast he wanted.

Red.

Walking into the casting room, a flood of memories came rushing back. A little baby boy lay on one of the casting tables waiting to get his tiny blue casts removed. He didn't look like Kolby in anyway. He had dark hair and smooth chocolaty skin. But, I saw my little Bo. I saw my little white, chubby, dark haired baby. Kicking his legs a little as he waited so patiently for one of the cast men to remove his casts. His mom stroked his face, just like I used to stroke Kolby's, knowing that as soon as the saw started, there would be tears and cries, but all because we love you and want to see you walk and run someday. I choked back tears as I situated Kolby on his cast table.

Kolby immediately turned against the cast as soon as he heard the saw. He didn't want red anymore. He didn't want any color. His way of saying he didn't want a cast. I talked about how the cast will help him to be able to play football, baseball, basketball and to run fast. He protested but didn't fight.

And then we found out he gets to wear a special boot so he can walk. I was relieved we don't have to deal with crutches. When he hopped off the table, he needed a hand on each side but then he got it, it all clicked and he was hobbling around.

My own little Tiny Tim.

We have a week to talk about the saw and how it doesn't really hurt. I think we'll wait a few days to bring up that conversation. And maybe his mom won't be so emotional in the cast room next time.

Shout It From the Rooftops!

2010-08-03T17:05:00.000-05:00

So, my blog is close enough to a rooftop, right?

BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD APPROVED KOLBY TO BE SEEN BY THE DOCTOR IN HOUSTON!

I might have cried when I got the text from Drew. And seemingly appropriate, David Crowder was playing How He Loves on our cd player.

We have an appointment on Friday, I am so excited to get the process started and get this show on the road! It's been two weeks of making him wear jeans and socks, his bites have all cleared up, now we need to keep him bug bite free for 2.5 more days.

A First

2010-08-03T14:19:00.001-05:00

Not a first that I'm proud of like first tooth, first step, first day of kindergarten.

No, this is my first child to cut his hair with scissors.

The scene: Yesterday during rest time, while I blissfully typed that post and ate two Swiss Cake Rolls. He was supposed to be resting in my room under strict orders to not touch anything that is mommy's or daddy's. He had drawing supplies and a car. It was our first attempt at a rest in my room rather than a nap. Crucial mistake.

As I walked the stairs to get him, ready to clear my room of the Goodwill clutter, I got a bad feeling in my gut. I thought, "I hope I don't have a huge mess to clean up." And then I opened my bedroom door and smelled a mix of hairspray, baby powder and Mrs. Meyers Clean Day Surface Scrub in Lavender. My heart sunk. I noticed some hair on my bed.

Drew's clippers were strewn about the floor mixed with the white powder. My Aveda hair spray was empty.

Kolby's clothes were an incriminate white color.

At first, I thought the hair on our bed and on the floor was from the clippers box and had gotten spread around.

As I looked closer at Kolby, I realized it was his hair spread around.

After the Self Inflicted Hair Cut:

Today, After the Haircut of Shame

Simplify

2010-08-02T16:11:00.000-05:00

Today, I woke up knowing I wanted to get our floor mopped. I knew it needed done. It was gross. And I have told myself that it could be the last time I mop before our baby girl gets here!

And then, as I looked in our laundry/pantry area, I knew. I needed to clean it out and organize it. The boys watched, ahem, 2 hours of tv so I could accomplish both those tasks. And I feel so good about it!

Tomorrow, the boys bathroom will be cleaned (one of my most unfavorite jobs) and I have some bananas that need baked into some bread.

Before this baby gets here, I feel like I need to simplify everything. My purse seems too big. I want something smaller and simpler. Something like this, maybe? Just dreaming here.

My bedroom feels much too cluttered. That's because it is. It is embarrasing. There are piles of the boys clothes that need to be put in a bin for Kolby and Levi to grow into. There are piles that need to fnd a home until winter. There is a pile to take to Goodwill. And there are 2 bins of baby boy clothes that need to get tagged and ready to take to consignment.

And our house is being painted, so there is plastic over every window. Including the sliding door to the outside storage area of where those bins are. We did not pick this time to paint and block ourselves out of being able to get things put away. (townhome association = usually good, not having to do the work ourselves, but not so convenient this time)

I can get those clothes bagged and read to take to Goodwill. I think I will do that.

Did I mention that when we sorted Levi's closet, we finally unpacked our last box from our move? 2 years ago. And our bedroom still isn't finished and decorated? And I already have plans to redo our kitchen? Will it all ever get done?

Did you read to the end? I feel like I need to apologize for such a boring post. Just writing what's on my mind today.

I'm going to declutter something!

You Capture: Play

2010-07-29T15:26:00.000-05:00

This is my first time participating in You Capture. Beth from I Should Be Folding Laundry hosts it. Go check it out! This is another attempt for me to get better at photography and have fun with my camera!

I love his little foot in the background.

This is under our train table. A huge battle!

stream of conciousness

2010-07-28T15:00:00.000-05:00

I went to the midwife this morning. On the way there, Sage asked if I had to pee in a cup again. Am I scarring him for life? I missed my appointment last week because Kolby woke up with a 102 fever. I tried a couple of babysitters but it didn't work out. I didn't get my Group B strep test last week, so I got it today and she checked me because of my history with early dialation.

First, she felt my belly and said this will probably be my smallest baby and that's okay because girls tend to be smaller. If only that had translated to less weight gain! She felt her back and where I'm getting all the feet kicks, she said her head was down but didn't feel too low. I agreed, I've had some pressure but nothing too incredible.

After the test, she checked me out and said her head is really low. Lower than she had thought, she didn't want to do an invasive check but she was sure I was 3 probably more towards 4 cm.

After having 3 babies, I kind of knew this is the information we would get, but it still makes me nervous. She also told us to keep some stuff in the car so we don't ruin it. Maybe I should have asked what kinds of things. I just pictured puppy's pee pads. Do you think that's what she meant? She also suggested trying to stay off my feet as much as possible. "I don't know if you have help at home..." I've gotten that question a couple times in the last couple of months.

Kolby's scabs are healing slower than we thought, so no cast this week. God's timing is perfect. God's timing is perfect. God's timing is perfect. Drew is fighting our insurance company to get the Ponseti certified dr. in Houston covered. His benefits advocate found some loophole about a certified doctor being covered within 75 miles. I'm still praying that God will guide/force us to the right doctor. The Houston dr. would be so much more convenienant but we haven't met him, what if he's not nice or is just wrong for us?

Also, since I just had the Group B strep test, if I were to go into labor before next week, I would be treated like I was positive just in case. I'm really praying to keep her in at least one more week and then we'll reevaluate.

My thoughts go back and forth from Kolby to the baby, Kolby, baby, Kolby, baby. With a little of Sage is starting school soon.

We got Kolby's new shoes to wear at night and I'm so happy to tell you that he has adjusted perfectly to them. He's worn them 4 nights and it's kind of like he never stopped wearing them. Click here to see what they look like. They keep his feet turned out at 60 degrees.

I feel like we are totally ready for this baby, except the whole Group B strep thing. God's timing is perfect. God's timing is perfect.

Do you think there is a lesson for me to learn here?

Non-Feet Related News

2010-07-22T14:22:00.000-05:00

Levi now sleeps in the room with the other boys! I had questioned my sanity earlier in my pregnancy for thinking we could attempt this. He used to scream at bed time. Turns out, it might have been because he wanted to sleep with his brothers.

While on vacation, we had them all in the same room, Levi in a pack-n-play. Some nights went better than others, but it gave us hope.

So, we got home and set up the pack-n-play in the boys' room. Some nights are better than others, but for the most part, it goes really well.

One night, Levi would not stop talking. Drew threatened to put him in his crib in his room. He didn't believe Drew. Drew put him in his crib in his own room and he was really mad. (I was not actually home at this time) Somehow, Levi calmed down enough for Drew to decide he could switch back to the boys' room. Sage had told Drew not to put Levi in his own room but to give him a time out or some other form of discipline.

We have taken that as a sign that everyone agrees with this new arrangement.

And in honor of my 37th week of pregnancy beginning on Sunday, we're going to switch Levi's crib and clothes into the boys room and officially call it the boys room. We'll also be spending quite a bit of time cleaning out the ~~junk closet~~ Levi's closet and getting that room as ready as we can for Annika.

We're leaving it green, we don't have a crib for her yet, although we have a generous offer to borrow one which we will be taking them up on soon, and no she doesn't have special bedding. I did buy one sheet with tulips on it because it was marked down to $2.98.

I will be washing, folding and hanging her clothes too. I've never been so excited to do laundry!

Worst Fears Realized

2010-07-20T12:49:00.000-05:00

We saw the doctor yesterday. He confirmed that Kolby's left foot is definitely relapsing. Clubfoot isn't just a foot that turns in slightly, it is a foot or both that would turn in so much that the child would walk on their ankles. Here's a summary of part of what we went through when he was a baby.

Even though we thought we knew we were dealing with a relapse, we really thought we would be dealing with wearing shoes and the bar at night again. But, Kolby is going to have at least two casts. The cast will start at his toes and go up to his thigh. The cast will get changed to change position of his foot once a week. After two weeks, the doctor will be able to determine if he needs to do another tenetomy. This would be done in an OR, with Kolby under general anesthesia and the doctor would again cut his heel chord. If that surgery happens he would be in another cast for 3 weeks while that heeled.

The frustrating part is that Kolby didn't get a cast yesterday. On Friday, he walked through a fire ant mound and his left foot and leg got attacked and bitten. He probably has 15 bites on his left foot and calf. The doctor didn't want to put a cast on because then we can't see if anything is getting infected.

Our first challenge is to get these cleared up and prevent Kolby from getting more bites of any kind. It is almost laughable. Kolby gets mosquito bites just walking to the car! We decided he has to wear long pants until he gets a cast. Long pants during the day and night.

So, we have answers. We have a plan. And we know God will work out the details. Right now, we're planning on going to the doctor in Dallas because he is covered by our insurance. And we've met him, we like him and we trust him.

And don't forget Annika is coming soon, probably in the middle of all this. Just to make things a little more exciting. It means I can't go or take Kolby, it will be up to Drew. And it makes me a little nervous thinking that he'll be gone all day and it will get closer and closer to my due date. I might need a volunteer labor coach!

I have cried over this, it's my trial and I can cry if I want to! But in all seriousness, this is a minor trial. We didn't get news that one of our children may be dieing, we will have some things that will be challenging, but nothing that isn't manageable. Especially with God. He'll see us through. He is good. He is faithful.

It's the Little Things in Life

2010-07-15T21:35:00.000-05:00

1. Kolby says gum. Gum. He has always said num. And I couldn't understand him. And then one day, he walked up to me and asked for gum. He gets gum just about every time he asks for it!

2. Levi peed on his potty today. I'm not sure he even realized what he did, but he got skittles! He farted while sitting in his chair and said "Potty?" I asked him if he had to go potty and he said yes. So we went upstairs, looked at a few books, nothing. I asked him if he wanted to sit on his potty and watch Curious George. I turned it on and walked away (I know, bad mommy!). He came over to me and said "Potty?" I said, Let's go sit down! And then noticed there was already pee in it!

stream of conciousness

2010-07-12T14:49:00.000-05:00

We went on vacation.

And then we got back.

And I didn't write about it. I've been thinking about what to write and how to incorporate our pictures.

But, while there, we noticed Kolby's left foot turning in a little bit. Drew's mom had been to Houston in early May and said she noticed it then too.

So, I've been on the phone and online trying to figure out what to do. The dilemma has been whether to take him to a Ponseti certified doctor or not. We hadn't been for seeing one for our yearly check ups, which was coming up at the end of this month. I had thought it would be okay because they were just check ups. As long as I didn't think anything was going wrong, we'd stay in network with our doctor.

The more I talked to Drew, he discerned that I was going to want a second opinion from a Ponseti certified doctor even if I took Kolby to this doctor. Primarily, because I didn't trust him. When we first moved here, I took Kolby to see him and one of his residents saw Kolby first (at age 2) and he told me we could probably be done with wearing the bar at night. Ponseti clearly recommends until age 4. After the appointment, I emailed the doctor and expressed my concerns. He admitted that he would have been comfortable with letting us stop wearing the bar at night.

Fast forward to his 3 year old check up and the shoes were too small. I was there to request a fitting for a new pair. Surprise to us, he discontinued use of the bar, said Kolby's feet were great! We were ecstatic.

I wish I would have followed my first gut feeling and insisted on new shoes and insisted on keeping him in them until he was 4.

I have an appointment in Houston for the end of this month with a Ponseti certified doctor who is out of our network. I have a call into a doctor in Dallas, in network, to see if we can get in to see him sooner. So many details need to work out. I keep reminding myself that I'm not in control. God is. And he will do what is best for us.

Sage's birthday is this week. We're having a small party for him on Saturday. And I'm trying to get things ready for that too.

And Annika is due in less than 5 weeks. I don't even want to list out what we need to do for her arrival. Her clothes are literally heaped on the bed in Levi's room. Nothing has been washed. I don't really know what I have and what I need. I'm going by the seat of my pants this time! And this is not like me at all.

Kind of a downer post to come back with, huh? This is life right now for us. Get on and enjoy the ride with us!

I feel like I have to write a disclaimer. I'm not overly worried about Kolby. I trust God that what has to happen will happen. But, man I want to know the details of how it's going to work! Drew might have to take Kolby by himself and that tears me apart. I need to be with him. I was at every. single. appointment when he was a baby and now... I'm crying just thinking about not being with him. I might disobey doctors orders and go anyway. But, maybe I won't tell you until after we get back!

I missed posting a picture of the kids on July 1. Maybe I'll take it on Sage's birthday and try to get back on track in August.

My Poopy Day

2010-06-24T14:25:00.000-05:00

My tag line on Facebook is something like "I'm living my dream; I just never realized it would involve so much poop."

That could be interpreted two different ways, like life is full poop and you just have to deal with it. Or, my way, literally poop.

My mom always told the story about my sister smearing her poop all over her crib. Spindle bars, of course. But that was her only poop story. That I remember anyway.

Yesterday, we had some errands to run. Post office, book store, mall, and the library. I am usually not that adventurous in my errand running. I stick to two but we were moving fast and making progress.

We ate lunch at the mall and Levi told me "Peeyou!" Meaning he needed his diaper changed. We did the deed. But the diaper was strangely dry. I changed it anyway, using my only diaper in my purse. (Note: I used my only diaper. No, I don't take a diaper bag with me. I keep a diaper and wipes in my purse. Note: that is stupid.)

We had one last stop at the library to pick up Adventures in Odyssey on cd, it was on hold so it should be a quick in and out. Except that my hold had expired the day before and they are really quick to put those holds back on the truck to some other lucky family.

So we were perusing the book on cd selections. When I heard a sound. A very liquid sound. And Levi said "Peeyou!" And boy was he right. Remember how I used my one and only diaper? And how I don't carry a diaper bag? (I'm so keeping it in the van.)

Being the laidback kind of mom, I just finished my perusing, a little more quickly and we got out of there. I stripped Levi of his overalls and found a gross hand towel to cover his carseat. Calm, cool and collected. We made it home and I got him cleaned up. Drew cleaned up the stroller when he got home. Oh, yes, the stroller was quite disgusting.

Then, we went to swimming lessons for Sage and Kolby. Kolby had an accident in his swim suit. I was not so calm, cool and collected this time. He'd done it last week too so I knew what was coming as to the clean up of him and the bathroom that would need disinfecting. And it broke me. I was a less than stellar mommy. I was a pretty horrible mommy.

I really wanted to end the day and the story on a funny note, but I just can't get over the fact that I was a downright terrible mommy. I have many excuses for acting so terrible. But they don't matter. I was not letting the Holy Spirit help me. Sure I prayed. I prayed "I can't do this!" Um, not really a helpful prayer. I have apologized and reapologized to the boys. I've talked about how I wasn't acting the way that I try to teach them to act. I talked about how mommy needs Jesus. And how mommy had to ask for forgiveness from God and how isn't God's grace amazing? I didn't promise I wouldn't ever do it again. Because I'm a sinner. But, I'm going to pray that I don't break down like that again. It was rough on all of us.

So, poop! It's gross and there is a lot of it in our house. And I'm about to have another pooping machine! But girls poop is cuter and doesn't smell, right?!

I'm Just Going to Write so I Can Write Something

2010-06-17T20:34:00.000-05:00

I haven't been feeling the bloggy love lately. Meaning, I haven't wanted to write anything. So, I'm just going to write and see what comes out.

I've been feeling discontentment lately. I want a bigger house, a yard and a dog. I want to live closer to family for the reasons of having people to lean on and not having to vacation in our home states. I like where we live, don't get me wrong.

I wonder if I feel this way because we've never lived somewhere permanently before. We're as permanent as God has us. In the past, we were on a countdown. A countdown for Drew to finish school and we would move somewhere new. We've been here 2 years now and it seems like much longer. We don't have something in our future. We're living life here for as long as God allows.

We took our first exploratory trip in Texas last weekend. By first, I mean, we didn't go visit friends, we went by ourselves and stayed in a hotel. We went to San Antonio. Sage declared it the best trip ever! We visited the Alamo and learned about the war. We ate on the Riverwalk and did the boat tour. We went to El Mercado where I got a Mexican tunic shirt and a dress for Annika! As my friend, Annalee, pointed out, we're set for Cinco de Mayo now!

We went because we listened to a timeshare presentation. 2.5 hours of my life that I will never get back. And we had the boys. Never mind the fact that Drew and I are not on the spot decision makers. We, I should say, Drew, researches everything. We don't make a purchase without talking, thinking, praying through it.

But, we got two free nights in a hotel! And we said no to the timeshare. And it wasn't hard at all to say no to it.

We can't remember the last time we took our family on a trip and didn't stay with friends or family. When we lived in CT, we did mostly day trips with a little camping.

So, yeah. I'd like a bigger house, with some storage and a way for us to host our families more comfortably.

I'm kind of ready for a new adventure. And at the same time am loving living life.

Maybe I should look at my new adventure as becoming a mom of four and sending my oldest to kindergarten.

Or maybe I shouldn't think about sending my oldest to kindergarten. I'll just let that happen when it comes, that way I can't cry over it before it happens.

And that's what came out.

While Daddy Was Away

2010-06-07T14:49:00.000-05:00

We ate dessert for dinner!

Brownies and ice-cream were requested.

Levi ate only the ice-cream.

Is it bad that my 18 month old can say ice-cream? And has been saying it for a while? Maybe I don't really want you to answer that!

Friday Morning Ramblings

2010-06-04T12:00:00.000-05:00

I took the boys to get their haircut this morning. Drama free. Not one good story came out of it. Except they look adorable.

Sage and Kolby are constantly playing war. They fight against the British army. Sometimes, one of them is the British army. Usually, Kolby. Kolby usually gets pegged as the bad guy or the monster. I can't decide if he likes it or he just wants to play with Sage.

Yesterday, while I was at Bible study, the boys made a booklet about themselves. Kolby's said Sage is his friend. So sweet.

Bible study ended at 12 and I left the boys in childcare until 2, to accomplish two things that I can't take them with me to do. 1) Get my eyebrows threaded. 2) But a new undergarment. Yes, I wrote a whole post about needing bigger panties and I can't bring myself to type the other word. I'm weird. I accomplished neither of those things. But, I did go to Costco and get us milk and bread for the weekend. And I bought lunch for myself at Chick-fil-A. Surprise, surprise.

I went to an orientation for a midwifery service on Wednessday. I am really excited about it! The only reason I would have to get an iv is if I test positive for Group B strep or am anemic. The baby will stay with me and will only be taken away if I ask for her to go to the nursery. There were other things that I was excited about but can't remember right now. I signed for them to transfer my files immediately. I can also take the boys with me to appointments. Not that I love that idea, but it will save us money.

Did you know that in the state of Texas, if you refuse to have the baby get the eye drops, they have to report you to CPS and then you are on file at CPS?

Did you know that the eye drops are to protect the baby from sexually transmitted disease? Of which, I don't have. So, there is no point in getting the eye drops. With Kolby, I tried to refuse them and they said if the baby doesn't get the eye drops, he can't go to the nursery. He got the eye drops.

I have four minutes to hit publish before it is Friday afternoon.

I don't know where Levi is right now.

Have a great weekend! We're dropping the boys off at Parents Night Out and going to an Astro's game! I surprised Drew by getting the tickets when he was in Sudan.

I love having Drew home.

June

2010-06-02T21:32:00.000-05:00

I'm going to try to take a picture of the kids the first of every month.
And, I'm trying to learn Photoshop from my husband

Here's June's photo finish. And the accompanying story. It was Sunday, May 30. I had the boys and I dressed and ready to go, early even. So, I said "Let's snap a picture before we head to church!"

Levi spotted his backpack. And, would. not. put. it. down. I gave up.

Kolby found his Spongebob watch from Burger King. And wanted to wear it. I gave in.

I told Sage and Kolby to hunch down closer to Levi. Levi squatted too.

In my eye, it's still a cute picture ~~in spite of~~ because of those things.

I love these boys.

Thoughts on a Sunday

2010-05-30T14:26:00.000-05:00

I watched Dear John the other night. It was in the middle of Drew being gone for 10 days. But, not just gone. He was in Sudan, Africa. No telephone access, no internet access. The only way I could communicate with him was by sending a satelite phone a text message. 160 characters or less. And the last 10 usually didn't make it through for some reason. And there was no reply. Just a one way text.

The movie really made me think about our military families here in the states. And how hard it must be on the wives and kids. I've thought about it before but I hadn't experienced not being able to talk to my husband for 10 days. It is the hardest thing I've done. No one to share those little tidbits of information about my day, no one to discuss parenting techniques, no one's eye to catch above the kids when they do or say something funny. Just no one. It's been a strange week. I thought I would post more about what went on in our daily life. But, I didn't.

I didn't tell you that yesterday I took the three boys to our neighborhood pool. And while there, Kolby was practicing kicking while holding a noodle, safely in the area of the pool that he could touch. Sage, swam under water and as he did, accidentally kicked Kolby out a little farther where he couldn't touch. Kolby started crying. I didn't panic. I knew he was okay as long he held onto the noodle. I called to Sage to come sit by Levi on the step while I pulled Kolby back to safety. I only told Sage, "Sit by Levi." And went to rescue Kolby. As I pulled the noodle back to safety and reassured Kolby he was okay, I looked back over my shoulder and saw Sage holding Levi underwater. I could see Levi looking at me while he was underwater. I yelled "Pull him up, pull him up, get him out of the water!" Sage just looked at me and continued to hold Levi underwater. I grabbed Levi out of the water and held him close. I was beyond upset. I asked Sage why he would dunk Levi underwater. He said "You do it!"

Yes, he has seen me dunk Levi. But, the difference was that I was trying to teach Levi to reach for the wall if he was under water. And the bigger difference is that I'm the mom.

I made grand promises about not going swimming again. I mean, I've taken them three times and twice something frightening has happened. Clearly, I can't handle the three of them by myself. I'm really disappointed because I had planned on that being one of our weekly or twice or thrice weekly outings. Now, I'm not so sure.

And where was I going with this?

Right, military families. I don't know how they do it. I'm beyond impressed. And then my thoughts turn to widowers. Specifically, widowers with young children. How do they even cope?

I have a cousin. She has 3 young children. And pregnant with her fourth. And her husband is deployed. Will you join me in praying for her? That is the most tangible thing I can think to do after watching the movie and having a taste of what life would be like. Only a taste. I didn't have to think about paying bills, making sure our bank balances were all okay, or yard work.

At the very least, say a prayer for our military familie this weekend. If you know a family, tell them thanks for the sacrifices that they are enduring or have endured.

Let me just complain for one second

2010-05-26T16:02:00.000-05:00

Complain might not be the right word. Inform. Maybe. Let's go with inform.

I'm a little chubby. Or a lot chubby.

I've gotten asked many times if carrying a girl is different. At first, I said no. My belly is the same, kind of like a basketball. And then I noticed something. Something that was sneaking up on me from behind.

No, really, my behind.

I had to move into my big girl panties in the second trimester instead of the third like with the boys. And with the beginning of my third, I'm in need of big(ger) girl panties.

My jeans that I wore through the end of the pregnancy with Levi, they don't fit.

Jeans that I had accidentally bought too big when pregnant with Kolby and never wore with Levi? Fit, um, snuggly. Let's just say it's a good thing I don't live where I need to where jeans.

My shorts are less than comfortable. But wearable. But I feel huge in them.

And sometimes a girl just wants to wear shorts, not a dress.

And I still have quite a bit of time left.

And I'm not even going to mention the varicose veins in my legs. They're hideous.

End complaining. I mean informing.

Because having a daughter will be totally worth it, right?

Drew, if you were here...

2010-05-25T15:59:00.000-05:00

these are the mundane things I would tell you.

- Yesterday, we went swimming at a friends parents house. They have a hot tub, that wasn't turned on, that the boys loved to play in. Levi loved to sit on the side and kick his legs and splash. He even stood on the seat and was so brave.

I was sitting by the table and Levi toddled over and sat down on the side and started kicking his legs. I thought to myself, "I shouldn't be this far away from him." And I got up to walk over and sit beside him.

And he looked back at me. And I could see his little butt moving closer to the edge as he kicked his legs and he turned his body and then he fell in. I yelled "Oh, Lord, help me. Oh God!" In my mind, I could see myself falling. I could see myself not getting to him fast enough. And my body, my legs, they moved so slowly. I couldn't get there fast enough. He was face down but he put his arm out of the water and twisted his body, like he was trying to flip to his back. His eyes were wide open. His look was terrified. I grabbed his arm and pulled him to safety.

My arms.

I hugged him tight. He wimpered. Then my friend and I told him how brave he was!

And we didn't leave until he got back in and he wasn't afraid of the water. If I get over it, and stop hovering over him that will be the best or maybe it wouldn't. I should have hovered more.

- I got two cute onesies for Annika today from Wal-Mart. One is pink and one is purple. They were only $3!

- Kolby is supposed to be resting but he went into Levi's room who was supposed to be napping. So, now it's quarter to four and Levi hasn't napped. I guess I'm glad that I'm going to girls night tonight!

- Today I went to HEB, 2 Targets and Wal-Mart. I got Kolby some new goggles, size 6 - 14. They fit him much better than the old ones. Hence the 2 Targets trying to find the right goggles.

- I'm tired.

- Things are running pretty smoothly, it really helps that I don't cook dinner. I don't get all worn out and impatient before bedtime.

- I saw the same lady last night at McDonalds and today at Chick-Fil-A. I was kind of embarrassed. She totally lit up and said "Hi".

- I signed the boys up for swimming lessons.

- I miss you and love you tons.

- You are definitely the one person that I talk to most in this world. I miss not talking to you and laughing with you.

- And since you were gone, I started watching The Bachelorette and I'm totally DVRing it. Maybe it would have been better if you stayed home.

stream of conciousness

2010-05-22T21:56:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday night at 9:30pm.

I took the boys swimming today for the first time this summer. Sage kind of remembers how to swim. At least, he remembers how to keep himself above water. He jumped right into the deep end yelling "Cannonball!" And then looked scared but made it to the side.

Kolby is still his cautious, sink to the bottom self. His kick seems stronger this year. I hope this is the summer that he gets it.

Levi got braver the longer we were there. By the end, he was walking in the shallow end. His balance walking in the water needs to improve. He never dunked himself accidentally, but he didn't let go of my hand.

I told the boys they could go to any restaurant they wanted tonight. Sage said McDonalds or Chick-fil-A. I said, any restaurant, what about Rainforest Cafe? Sage said he really wanted to go somewhere he could get a toy. I chose Chick-fil-A. They all three got the same book and kept it. No one wanted ice-cream. Well, Levi didn't get a choice. I'm pretty sure he would have chosen ice-cream.

Speaking of Levi. That kid talks! He repeats everything. And he makes it so much clearer how speech delayed Kolby is. Like Levi will say ha for hat. And we'll say haT. And he'll say haT. We still have to do that with Kolby. I'm not complaining, just saying it how it is. I can understand most of what Kolby says, especially if it is in context. If he wants to tell me something or sometimes, he makes up a story, I won't have a clue as to what he is saying. Sometimes, I have to tell him that I just don't understand. It frustrates him, it frustrates me, it makes me sad. Levi is by far our earliest talker. Sage started talking more around 2.

While at Chick-fil-A, there were some other kids there playing in the playplace and the little boy was hitting and pushing Kolby and Sage. Sage told him to stop and Sage didn't complain about it again so I thought he did. Kolby cried though. So, the little boy kept hitting and pushing him. Of course, I am the only parent in there. I talked to Kolby, told him to stop crying and tell the little boy to stop it.

We ended up leaving. What would you have done?

In the van, I made Kolby practice speaking firmly, "Stop hitting me. I don't like it." Kolby is a great victim. Someone wrongs him, he cries. Whether it really hurt him or not. We see it happen with Levi at home. Levi knows which buttons to press with Kolby and Kolby plays the victim role perfectly. Rarely, does he hit or push Levi back. And to be totally honest, when he does, Levi completely deserves it. But, we don't encourage that.

I'm 28 weeks tomorrow. Third trimester. Um, wow. I had my glucose screening yesterday. And my rhogam shot.

I'm not feeling so hot about the doctor or hospital I've chosen. I asked yesterday about having to have the pitocin and she told me about how it is standard, how it helps the uterus to get hard and firm and lessens the bleeding. She asked if it was really that bad. I said it was the worst ever. I had been through labor and delivery twice before and didn't have an iv or pitocin and no complications. Anyway, I could go on and on, I know there are medical reasons for an iv, but the pitocin is, I can't think of a word, stupid. I know breastfeeding does the same thing and I do that with my babies. Maybe if the hospital didn't take my baby for 5 hours, an hour after I delivered, I could breastfeed more and avoid the pitocin.

So, I'll be calling a different hospital that has midwives and see what their standards are. The bummer is, it is farther than 5 minutes away which is where my doctor and hospital are currently. It is at least a half hour. And I have to pay for parking. Drew is encouraging me to at least check out my options.

And that was longer than I thought it would be.

To summarize, how do you handle when your kid is being treated wrongly by another child whose parent isn't present? And how do I get Kolby out of the victim mentality?

8 Years

2010-05-18T16:12:00.000-05:00

8 years ago, I gave away my heart, fully.

He has even more of it now.

He has handled it with care, most everyday since.

He is my best friend.

The one that I tell everything.

The one that I laugh with and sometimes, at.

The one who makes me laugh.

The one I admire more and more as each day passes.

The one who surprises me continually.

The one who's opinion matters most from what purse I carry to how I style my hair.

The one forever.

Discovering the Enemy

2010-05-17T14:05:00.001-05:00

Kolby and I headed to the allergist this morning.

He got pricked and pricked and pricked and pricked and pricked and pricked a couple more times for good measure.

And I promised a doughnut.

The outcome? Allergies to gelatin and dust mites.

Gelatin was in 3 of the 5 vaccinations he received that day.

Gelatin is also in marshmallows, gummi candy, and of course, jello. We are to eliminate those from his diet. That won't be that big of a deal except I gave my kids gummi vitamins. I guess Kolby will get Flintstones. Luckily, I've slacked off on doling those out for the last couple of months. And I'm bummed about the marshmallows, how's a kids supposed to enjoy a campfire? No s'smores? And no Rice Krispie Treats? Major bummer to me.

The dust mites are mostly a problem in his bedroom. We'll be getting an encasement for his mattress and his pillow. And probably buying a special comforter. His sheets have to be washed on hot every two weeks. Oh and those special stuffed animals that he sleeps with? Either wash them on hot every 2 weeks or get rid of them entirely. I'm thinking about giving him two week rotations of favorites. He usually has about 10 surrounding him every night. Plus 3 special blankies.

We're considering getting a new vacuum.

And a professional duster. You know, the one who comes to your house once a week to dust? Just kidding. Kind of. Drew didn't mention that, but I thought it.

We already have blinds in his room, not curtains but of course those blinds should be dusted more than once a year which is more my schedule.

And now I see dust mite potential everywhere I look. Those blankets that hardly ever get washed that they play with all the time. My 4 throw rugs downstairs. And of course, our carpet. Which we've always thought was disgusting, but hey it came with the house!

Here's to trying to control something uncontrollable and not going off the deep end while doing it!

*This just in: Skittles and Starburst are out too. Am I over reacting?

It's A Rainy, Great Day!

2010-05-15T13:24:00.000-05:00

Today, as I type, Drew is out with Kolby, a special lunch at Chick-Fil-A.

And the most exciting part for Kolby? More than a year in the making.

A trip to Bass Pro Shop for a fishing pole!

Seems mundane but to the 3 year old who watched his 4 year old brother open one for his birthday last year and wanted so badly to have his own, especially the small tackle box of gear, it will be (hopefully) priceless.

What is the occasion that he is getting a new fishing pole?

Because, finally, after 14 months since we began, we are declaring, officially, Kolby is potty trained! He does number one and two, all by himself, no prompting required!

Yes, we are ecstatic. And I bet you all want to know my potty training secrets! (grin)

You'll remember potty training Kolby was a battle. A battle of wills, if I'm honest. I wanted him potty trained so badly. I knew he could go by himself, I'd seen him do it. I was determined. Do not give in, I am mommy, hear me roar.

Unfortunately, he heard me roar a lot. Being completely truthful, I would get so angry when he would not do his business where he should. And I let him know it. After I wrote the above post, I thought I was ready to throw in the towell. But, I still fought him on it.

I came to the point one day, where I was done. I told Drew that Kolby would be back in pull ups indefinitely until he showed me he could do it all, everything, by himself. And when he did his business in his pull up, I wasn't going to get angry. I was going to be calm and have a no big deal attitude. Did I mention I prayed about getting that attitude? Because wiping a 3 year old bottom is, to say it as kindly as possible, disgusting, with a capital D. Part of me was nervous that number one would backslide, but it didn't. I don't know why.

I had put him back in pull ups but as soon as he would do it once on the potty, I would put him back in underwear. It was a horrible cycle that we just weren't breaking.

After I gave up, he tested us a couple of times and when we were all like, bummer dude, let's change your diaper, he was like cool.

Then, he started doing it. Going into the bathroom and then yelling, I poo on potty! And we would yell and clap and cheer and give him candy. Not one m&m either, the kid got a big piece of candy. We wanted him to know it was a really big deal.

And now, he just does it. He goes, yells to be wiped and that's it. No more candy.

I didn''t win Mother of the Year

2010-05-14T16:27:00.000-05:00

But I was treated like I did.

See, May is a big month for me. My birthday is in May. My anniversary is in May. And in the middle of those two is Mothers Day.

Awhile ago I ~~intercepted~~ Drew forwarded me an email. An email he didn't mean for me to read all of. You know the email where he wants me to know one small thing but accidentally forwards a series of emails. I couldn't figure out what he wanted me to know, so I read through the series. And read that his mom might come and watch the kids for a weekend.

I replied to the email and asked if maybe he forwarded it to me on accident.

Over the next couple of months, our weekends filled up through May. He convinced me that we didn't have an option of a weekend to get away somewhere. While at the same time, continuing to comment on how much I needed a break.

Last Friday was my birthday. And if I'm totally honest, I has a "poor me" attitude about it. I received a ton of facebook, texts and phone calls to wish me a happy birthday. But, I still had to you know, be a mom. And well, poor me. I did take us to Chick-Fil-A (surprise, surprise) for lunch and ordered myself a chocolate shake. That night, we were going to the Aid Sudan gala but I didn't want a lot of people to know that it was my birthday.

Drew had suggested that on Saturday, we go out to breakfast as a family and I suggested a store that I wanted to check out some things in for Annika. He agreed but wasn't keen on letting me sleep in as well. I was picturing a relaxing morning of breakfast, window shopping and real shopping with my four favorite boys. He had an agenda.

Sitting at breakfast, he asked Sage to give me Project Pink. A Pink envelope with a note written on it that said I was scheduled for a prenatal massage and then a mani/pedi. Then he told the boys that they would be picking up a friend while I was gone. I was slightly irritated that he wouldn't tell me who it was and was so curious as to who would ask him to babysit and not me! So strange.

I thouroughly enjoyed my massage, almost falling asleep. And then getting my nails all prettied.

When I got home, the living room didn't look to be the disaster that I was expecting if there were other children in my house. I rounded the corner to our dining room and there sat my mother in law!

And Sage quickly yelled "You're going away for two nights and three days and Nana is staying here with us!"

He was obviously heartbroken to see his mama leave him for Mother's Day.

We quickly packed our bags, I ran to the grocery store and we headed to Galvestan to stay in a hotel by the beach for the weekend.

Sunday, Mother's Day, he gave me a necklace that the boys picked out (wink, wink), we shopped The Strand, saw a cruise ship, regretted our decision to not stay away longer (grin), and then sat by the pool for 4 hours while we read and the waitress brought us lunch and Dr. Pepper.

We went to a pizza place that night, because we are fancy. And the waitress told me my combination of chocolate and berry gelatto was strange. We laughed about how she should tip us after that comment. Who tells a pregnant woman that her choice is strange?

We packed up when we woke up the next morning, all good things must end and Drew's mom had to catch a plane. But he did get me my favorite breakfast, french toast sticks from Sonic. They have been my second breakfast choice for a few weeks now.

It was a great weekend. I can't even describe the degree of lovliness. It was the perfect vacation to me, eating, sitting by a pool, reading, relaxing and being pampered.

My sweet husband did such an awesome job of surprising me. Love you, babe, can't wait until you do it again! Okay, so I can wait, I'll just be really excited for it!

18 Months, 3 Days ~ Levi

2010-05-13T19:58:00.001-05:00

I've got to document it somewhere.

34 inches. 95th percentile for height.

25 lbs. 50th percentile for weight.

Two nights ago, he told me "Poo." and pointed to his diaper. I asked him if he needed to go. He nodded yes. I ran him upstairs to his little potty. He had already gone but did a little more in the potty. We clapped and cheered and gave him some candy.

I thought it was a fluke. Maybe some had fallen off his hiney, who knew. But, there was something in the potty and we celebrated with him.

Tonight, while I rinsed the bathtub, I had him sit on his little potty.

I turned back to see what he was doing and he was looking down. Watching the pee go into his little potty! We clapped, cheered and he got some m&m's!

You know that potty training has been an "issue" in our house. I'm not getting a big head about anything. After potty training, Sage, I didn't think any kid could be as stubborn as he was.

And then came Kolby.

So, we're on track for Levi to be potty trained before kindergarten.

And I'm happy about that.

But, I'm not saying my mind isn't excited with the possibility of him being potty trained this summer.

We'll see.

No pressure, third child, no pressure.

stream of conciousness

2010-05-05T14:01:00.000-05:00

I only have a few minutes.

I changed Levi's 18 month appointment from next Tuesday to this afternoon. I'm excited to see how much he weighs and where he falls in the percentile's. I'm guessing in the 50 percentiles. He's our little guy.

Kolby is done with Benadryl! I might have been a little nervous to give it up, but he hasn't had any since 10:30 last night and is doing great!

I'm praying that we don't have a repeat performance for Levi today.

Vaccines! Aaack! I wish someone else could make decisions for me.

Kolby has an appointment on Monday morning with the allergist. Can anyone tell me what will happen there?

I'm gaining more weight than I had hoped. It doesn't help that I started a good 5 or 8 pounds heavier than I would have liked.

I need to take some pictures of my belly.

I downloaded Ice Ice Baby from the Glee cast today.

I really don't have much to say.

Phone Call Machine

2010-05-03T15:02:00.000-05:00

I really dislike making phone calls. I just don't like talking on the phone. I don't even like to schedule appointments. It just seems like a huge waste of time. Isn't there someway I can schedule appointments online?!

But this afternoon, I sucked it up and got some appointments made. Two doctor appointments for Kolby next week. And I found out when I can register Sage for kindergarten.

Yes, 3 phone calls and I'm pretty sure that is some kind of record.

And I have realized that having a baby in August is going to be somewhat stressful. As if having a baby isn't stressful.

Registration starts the 11th of August. My due date is the 15th. Not that I've actually made it to a due date. So, that means I'll have four kids to take to the school to pick up a packet to register my firstborn for school. I bet I won't cry at all. I hope you are sensing the sarcasm.

And then kindergarten starts the 24th.

All this from making phone calls. See, why I don't like making them?

Am I the only one with this dislike of making phone calls?

An Update on Kolby

2010-05-02T14:24:00.000-05:00

Kolby has recovered well fom his reaction. We're still giving him Benadryl every 6 hours. It's been strange setting my alarm clock for 2am to give him medicine! We'll start weaning him off of it tomorrow, try to go 8 hours between doses.

I can tell when it is near time for Benadryl, he starts coughing out of the blue.

Just wanted to let eveyone know he's doing well and we haven't seen anymore reactions. I'll make the appointment with the allergist on Monday. I'm quite curious since 4 out of the 5 were boosters.

If It's Not One Thing, It's Another

2010-04-30T14:14:00.000-05:00

My mom always used to say that. I didn't really understand it. I think it's a mom thing.

Levi started the week with a fever. And got better over night.

Kolby came down with a fever on Tuesday night and it was gone by Wednessday night.

I took Kolby to the doctor today for his four year well child visit. I took all 3 of the boys, actually. I've done it many times. They are pretty well behaved while we're there. Today was no different.

Kolby had to get 5. F. I. V. E. shots. We've talked all week about being brave and not fighting the nurse. He did great. He didn't kick her or fight her at all.

We put all our books back on the shelf. Got a copy of his immunization record for the preschool. Picked out a small toy. Received a special book for getting so many shots.

And we're on our way.

I had promised a special lunch during the shots. Anything to get his mind off that nurse sticking another needle in his leg.

He refused the lunch. Sage encouraged him to reconsider. A different restaurant maybe?

He started coughing. He "throws up" but it's all mucous. In general, he just wasn't being himself.

I pressed on, offerring ice-cream. McDonalds? Chick-fil-A?

Anything to make him happy.

Strapped everyone in the car.

He kept refusing a special lunch. Saying he wanted to go home and go to sleep. At 11am.

His face was red, but he'd been coughinig and coughing.

He took his sandals off and cried that his feet hurt.

Then I saw some white splotches or dots.

I called the doctor's office. I hung up.

I called Drew and willed him to answer. He told me to call the doctor back right away.

I turned the van around and headed back to the doctor as I called.

I started to get panicky. My emotions were thick in my voice as I explained his symptoms.

"Red face, coughing, lots of coughing, white dots on his face, he's saying his feet hurt and itch."

"How close are you to the office?"

"I'm already heading back that way."

Thankfully, I had the double stroller in the van from the race on Saturday. Kolby was in no mood to walk and I felt hurried.

I wheeled us in the doctor's office and one of the nurses, said "our last name? Come on back."

We were seen right away by Dr. Thaller (the greatest doctor ever).

His breathing was better, not coughing anymore. And he sounded good to Dr. Thaller.

Benadryl was brought in and drank.

Dr. Thaller ordered a shot of something.

The nurse, sweet Kim, came to give it to him. I broke the bad news that he would have to get another shot.

Immediate cries. "No more shots. No more shots."

I had already told him the first ones were to keep him healthy. How do I explain he needs another one to get him better from the ones that were supposed to help in the first place? I felt terrible.

We both cried as he got the shot. I prayed. I needed that prayer the most.

We read every book in the room for about 30 minutes while Dr. Thaller intermittently came back in to listen to his breathing.

Levi ate two boxes of raisins.

Finally, we were cleared to leave. He has to take Benadryl every 6 hours since whatever he's allergic to is still in his body. No messing around, Dr. Thaller said, if there is shortness of breath, more hives, go right to the nearest ER.

And we'll be scheduling a visit to the allergist.

It's been a day. And it's only 2pm.

And we're still on alert.

That sounds more serious than I intend. He looks so much better, I can see faint traces of the hives. I'm just a little nervous to not let that Benadryl wear off.

I can't express how fearful I was. I didn't even think to pray as I turned the van back around. Not even a help me Jesus.

We've had emergencies before, trips to the ER for vairous places on heads that were bleeding. But, I knew those were fixable and manageable and the bleeding would stop and I could see the situation getting under control.

I didn't know what was happening. He was so irritable. And crying. And scratching at his feet. And he didn't have the words to express what his body was feeling. I felt helpless driving my van. I couldn't comfort him, hug him, touch him. Try to figure out what was wrong.

It could have been so much worse. It was just hives.

I am so thankful. And this time, I did remember to tell Him.

I also need to remember to trust my gut. Don't hang up on the doctor. Do what you think is right for your kids, right away.

Walking on Clouds

2010-04-27T22:04:00.000-05:00

We changed up the blog look again. If you're reading in google reader or something, come on over and check it out.

Drew helps me out with my blog design. Meaning he does the header.

It's fresh and springy.

I was trying to make it fancy and I couldn't figure it out. So, this is less fancy. A template from blogger and Drew made the header.

So, Levi is over his fever and now Kolby has one. He hasn't missed a day of school and tomorrow will be the first.

And that about sums up my thoughts. Except that Sage has a performance at church this weekend, so any prayers that he somehow misses this 24 hour fever bug would be great!

Oh, and I have an addiction.

Hi, my name is Kristy and I love purses.

It's nothing new. I have had a love of purses since I was quite young.

My family liked to make fun of me because I fixated on wanting a purple purse for quite some time. I think they got one for me when it wasn't cool anymore. Meaning, I didn't want a purple purse anymore. And they just kept the joke going.

I was at the mall today, getting my watch battery replaced and fell in love with this Fossil bag. It took me forever to find that picture on the internet, but I was determined! I think it just screams spring and fresh to me.

And I would love to show you a picture of this pattern in a wristlet because I determined that is what I would really love. Apparently, Fossil doesn't make this pattern in a wristlet.

Maybe I should be a purse designer.

Maybe I should just stick with being a stay at home mom.

Weekend Wrap

2010-04-25T22:07:00.000-05:00

Saturday we woke up bright and early and went to the Aid Sudan 5k. The plan was to register the boys for the 1k and I would walk/run with them and Drew was running the 5k.

The plan was set in motion. I registered the boys. Then decided I needed to go to the bathroom.

I stood in line for 1 minute, heard the start for the 1k and walked back to where Drew was with the boys.

Except he wasn't there. I couldn't see him anywhere. It's not like he's short and he was pushing our big, orange, double stroller.

I walked around. I looked at the people walking/running in the 1k. He had vanished.

Except he hadn't. He was within a few feet of where I left them. I just couldn't see them.

I braced myself for the boys' disappointment. It didn't come.

I spotted donuts. (The irony of donuts at a 5k run isn't lost on me.)

We collected their t-shirts, chatted a little and made our way to the finish of the 5k to see Drew finish.

It was at a park and the boys wanted to play but it was really small so we took them to a different park.

Then we went home and got Kolby and I ready to go to a birthday party at the zoo.

I was really regretting going, I just wanted to take a nap. Kolby and I ended up having so much fun. The party was easy going, Kolby got a carousel ticket, it was just enjoyable. We got to walk around the zoo and see whatever Kolby wanted to see. That doesn't happen often for the middle child.

When we got home, Sage had requested to play Monopoly. Sage, Drew and I played. Kolby and Levi played outside with the sand table. We didn't finish, but I'm pretty sure Sage beat us pretty badly. He had Park Place and Boardwalk and had a house on Boardwalk.

We finished the day with burgers, fries and grilled asparagus. A great meal for a great day.

After the boys were all in bed, Sage and Kolby sleeping in a "tent" in their room (they've now slept in it for 3 nights), Drew made us strawberry chocolate shakes. The perfect ending to a perfect day.

Levi woke up with a fever this morning. Drew stayed home from church with him. We were convinced he was teething. But then Levi fell asleep on Drew's lap twice.

We've been meaning to buy a new thermometer, almost every time one of our kids gets sick. I just kept putting it off. My $3 one worked just fine. Until Levi gets a fever and screams the whole time while I hold his arm down to get a reading. Drew got a thermoscan from Costco. Just scan it across the forhead. In like 2 seconds, you get the temperature. I highly recommend it. It would also make a great baby shower gift. We paid for it, I just have really enjoyed it today. I'm even going to check his temperature before I go to bed.

Good night!

Friday Morning Ramblings

2010-04-23T10:39:00.000-05:00

Last night I was putting Levi to bed, I prayed and he was still snuggling against me so I asked him if he wanted me to sing. He nodded yes. So I started singing Jesus Loves Me. He looked up at me, smiled, and reached his hand up to cover my mouth and said shh, shh.

I laughed. And now he does it everytime I sing.

I built a tent this morning for the boys in the living room. They are happily watching Sesame Street from the tent. At 9:30, Sage said this was the best day ever. We had made lemonade and Rice Krispie Treats. I'm thinking they might get to sleep in the tent tonight. I'm going for best mom award. Fully knowing that title can be stripped from me at any moment.

I wish Starbucks deivered. There is a Starbucks about half a block from my house and sometimes that still feels too far. Especially when I've vowed to not leave the house today.

I still feel shocked that we're having a girl. Not that the shock has stopped me from buying some clothes! Apparantly, I like polka dots.

We decided to not transition anyone to a new room yet. So, I won't be decorating for a little girl yet. I returned the bedding that I had purchased before we found out she was a girl! It was cute, polka dots, but I didn't love it. It matched the green of the room and the brown quilt that is on the queen bed. We're going to get some kind of bed for our room and have the baby in with us and see how things play out. Levi cries still going to bed and I'm not ready to take him out of his crib.

Kolby has a birthday party to attend tomorrow at the zoo for twin boys. I got them squirt guns.

I feel the baby move quite a bit. She seems lower than my other babies. Drew and Sage have felt her move too. Next month is my glucose screening test. No eating after midnight. Have I blocked that out? I totally don't remember that.

Technically, I didn't lock us out of the house...

2010-04-21T15:43:00.000-05:00

this time.

We dropped Kolby off at school and went to the grocery store.

Everything got checked off the list. With a couple of additions, two- 1/2 gallons of ice-cream because Blue Bell was on sale.

Baggers decided that the blue cooler bags were optional for cold food and bagged the cereal and canned goods in them instead. Was slightly irritated but decided it would be okay because I was going straight home.

Park the van. Get Levi out of car seat. Practice walking with Levi while holding my hand. No melt down, this time.

Go to unlock the deadbolt. The key spins around and around. Deadbolt remains locked.

Call Drew. Because he's who I call. He calls locksmith. The same locksmith that came to our house about 3 weeks ago when I did lock us out of the house. Did I write about that?

Go back to van, have Sage "watch" Levi so that I can repack our grocery bags so nothing melts. Decide the 3 gallons of milk will be okay.

Levi digs in dirt with his finger and brings me a finger of dirt to wipe off every couple of minutes.

Groceries are rearranged. Sage pretends to drive van. Levi sits in Kolby's car seat. I clean up trash from van.

I spy a turtle. Show Sage and Levi. We go to see it up close. He hides in his shell. I ask Sage if he wants to touch it. He doesn't. I touch the shell. Levi pets the turtle. Sage finally touches the turtle. We marvel at the hardness of the shell and how cool it is that the turtle can pull himself in and hide away from us. The turtle keeps his head out a tiny bit, quickly pulling it back whenever Levi's little hand comes near him for a quick petting. I think about how getting locked out of our house wasn't so bad. I would have been putting away laundry or groceries and missed out on how cool God's creation is. Wish I had my camera.

The lock guy arrives and opens door. And made it look easy. Start to think I might be an idiot.

Indeed, the lock was broken. Glad to not be an idiot.

The lock was so old it had to be replaced instead of fixed.

$70 later, no cold stuff ruined, and getting to see my boys marvel at a turtle, not so horrible.

Not that I enjoyed spending $70 on a lock, it just didn't ruin my day.

The Zoo Trip That Maybe Shouldn't Have Been

2010-04-19T16:10:00.000-05:00

The trip had been planned for weeks. Maybe a month or more. We were going to take someones mind off something. And we planned it a long time ago.

It was rainy this morning. And kind of chilly but not really chilly.

But, we packed our lunches and forged ahead.

And as we drove, the misty rain started to mist more.

We got there and met Kelli and Annalee in the parking lot. Kelli was wearing shorts and had no rain jackets (it wasn't raining on her side of town- that is how huge our city is). We decided to dart from inside thing to inside thing.

We went to two inside things and when we bravely walked out to go to the meercats, the rain had stopped.

It left us some new friends. The puddle. Lots of new friends.

Sage and Kolby had already ran through one huge one on our way from inside thing number one to inside thing number two.

I told them no more puddles. And called after them to walk around that rather large puddle.

A mom behind me commented that they are just kids and kids should be able to run through puddles. Her comment hit me the wrong way. I was so irritated that she would devalue my parenting in front of my kids. And really, I had many good reasons as to why I didn't want them to run through puddles. I could go on and on with reasons as to why I was irritated by her comment but I won't.

After we saw the elephants, do you know what I saw?! She pulled her kid out of a puddle and scolded him for running and splashing in it. Seriously.

We continued on our merry way looking at the jaguar and tiger.

And it was lunchtime. We went to a covered area to eat. And proceeded to switch lunches with everyone.

Then, we decided that the kids probably needed a diaper change. They sweetly change their little girls. And I pull Levi out of the stroller.

And discover the worst diaper. Up the front and back of him. No clothes could be salvaged. Did I mention it was slightly chilly? And guess which award winning mom pulled his extra clothes out of the diaper bag before leaving?

Right as I get his shirt off. Kelli says, "Where's Kolby?" We yell his name, he pops out from behind these pretend buildings, where he shouldn't have gone without someone knowing.

As he walks toward us, his face right under his nose is bringt red and it's smeared on his cheek.

Levi is running around the eating area with no shirt on and visible poo coming out the back. And then Kolby runs off and then comes back with a bloody nose.

I herd Levi back. Ask Kelli to hold his arms and not let him run off, wipe off Kolby's face. And it appears to have stopped bleeding.

I get a plastic diaper sack out and lay that down for Levi to lay on the cold, hard table. And he cries the whole time I'm changing him. As if we needed more attention drawn to our situation. But, really, he was probably freezing. He was laying on a hard, cold table naked and I was wiping him with cold wipes.

I finished cleaning him up, put his jacket back on. And told the boys we couldn't see anymore animals today. Sage pouted. And came up with the grand idea that Levi and I could go sit in the van and Annalee and Kelli could finish taking my boys around the zoo.

We left.

Levi and Kolby both fell asleep on the way home.

No naps were taken in our house this afternoon.

But, on the way home, we saw a reallly bad accident. I prayed for the people in the accident and thanked God for keeping us safe. Maybe that diaper change and nose bleed was just what we needed to keep us out of harms way.

I'll take a poopy diaper, a naked baby home and a bloody nose over a car accident any day.

You Might Think I'm Crazy

2010-04-15T15:06:00.000-05:00

I have a secret.

Not a bad secret. Just a secret. Well, not technically, a secret. I've mentioned it to people before. And they usually think I'm a little crazy. Or wonder why.

You wanna know what it is?

I think nose rings on women are beautiful. Not hoops. Or chains connecting from an ear to a nose.

Just a small, simple stud. Maybe gold, maybe a small diamond. Small being the key word.

One you barely notice.

I kind of want one. Okay, I've wanted one for a long time and haven't thought that I could pull it off.

But now. Something's different. Not about the way I look. I think it is more of a confidence thing. Maybe because I'm shh 30. I just feel more comfortable in my skin. In what I wear. I care less of how others view me.

So, do you think I'm crazy?

If you do, I'd be okay with that.

I didn't go anywhere

2010-04-08T20:56:00.001-05:00

Alternatly titled: Whew, I've been busy

For Easter, we hosted 2 families. 9 kids (7 of them boys) and 6 adults total. 15 people in our little house.

It went really well.

I made Pioneer Woman's Passover Brisket, Pioneer Woman's Twice Baked Potatoes, Swedish Rye bread, white bread rolls (bought), green bean casserole, glazed carrots, strawberry spinach salad, and raspberry jello salad. For dessert, Pioneer Womans Strawberry Shortcake Cake and Chocolate Cream Cheese Pound Cake.

We had an egg hunt. 160 eggs. It took about 3 minutes. Apparently the ground doesn't make for very good hiding spots.

The day before, we went to a small town and went to an antique show. We saw about .1 of all the booths. But, we saw enough to boy some bloomers for Annika. Monogrammed of course. And a really cool bucket that now resides in our dining room. *Updated! Drew talked the sweet woman down from $45 to $20. That is the power of sending my man with my three boys to buy it and haggle.

And, Monday night, I hosted Bunco. Was there something else going on? Oh, my sister and her husband drove to Indianapolis for the National Championship! My sister graduated from Butler. As soon as they won on Saturday night, they bought tickets and arranged child care. They celebrated their 15th and 16th wedding anniversaries. 15 was last year and 16 will be this July. Aren't they cute?

Oh, Bunco. I had planned an NCAA Bunco. Wear your favorite college t-shirt and come comfy. The game was on the tv the whole time. I served mini cupcake brownies, spinach dip, and individual fruit pizza's. They were so stinkin cute. (If I may say so myself) I had a really fun time hosting it. My prizes were earrings that I bought off Etsy. I wished I could have kept every pair.

I'm just going to throw this out there as an FYI. Frozen chicken breasts can be cooked at 350 degrees for 2 hours. Don't plan on one hour, it won't be long enough. Not that I would ever put frozen chicken breasts in the oven at 4:30 expecting them to be done when Drew got home at 5:30. Because I'm a better cook than that. Praise the Lord, Drew was late, he got home at 6:15. I had already figured out my cooking debacle and sent Sage to shower before dinner. Then I bathed Kolby and Levi and it worked out okay. And I never Praise the Lord about Drew being late.

And tomorrow is Friday. And Drew and I have a date. And we found out last night that our friends are also having a baby girl in September. It's been a good week.

Why Is It?

2010-03-31T15:21:00.000-05:00

Why is it when I do a really fun activity with the boys, we can't make the fun last through lunch?

And, why is it that it isn't entirely their fault, but sometimes mine as well?

Like today. Sage started tennis again. Our neighbor is teaching him. (For free!) And he's the number one player in Texas. For his age group. Which might be 80 -85.

That's not what I was writing about.

So, Levi, Kolby and I headed on a "walk" around the neighborhood. I had the camara.

We camped out by our neighborhood pond. We watched the turtles and ducks. We blew bubbles. Levi picked up duck poop. I got to take a lot of pictures. And wished I had read the book about how to take better pictures.

It was lovely.

We walk to get Sage. We play with some tennis balls. We walk back towards our place with Coach. Sage blows bubbles while we walk, it was lovely.

We get home. Sage asks to blow bubbles on the deck. I agree. He and Kolby hed out, I wash the duck poop off Levi's hands officially. (I poured bubbles on his hand when we were outside and then wiped it off with a leaf. And hoped he didn't stick his hand in his mouth. I'm pretty sure he didn't. Mostly sure.)

Sage and Kolby are on the deck, the door is open, the breeze is breezy, it's lovely.

And then, Sage blows bubbles directly onto Kolby's neck.

Kolby screams.

Sage does it again.

I yell.

Kolby cries more.

I yell some more.

And make them all come inside and sit in their chairs while I make lunch.

I could have handled it better. Sage could have handled it better. In the end, we all lose. Bubble fun is over. And my lovely morning came to a screeching halt.

Here's praying nap time does us all some good!

Funny Things (To Me)

2010-03-30T07:00:00.000-05:00

I brought home a pack of bows the other day and was showing them to Drew at dinner. I said, "Let's try one on Levi, just to see what it will look like!"

Drew adamantly protested.

I giggled.

I put it on him.

Kolby burst into tears. He was so upset.

I took it out.

I could not stop laughing.

Drew just shook his head at me.

I apologized to Kolby for putting a bow on Levi's head.

I guess I'll only do that when Kolby isn't around. Just kidding, Drew! I won't do it again.

******************************************************************************

The morning after we found out we're having a girl, we're eating breakfast.

All of the sudden, Sage looks up and says "We have to get some girl movies!"

*******************************************************************************

After we got our dessert and found out it was a girl, Drew mentioned that she might need a sister. (This has not been Drew's position.)

Then we got home and I said, you can get the baby boy clothes out and we can start getting rid of them!

"What if we have another boy? We are not getting rid of those clothes yet."

More on the Name

2010-03-29T07:00:00.001-05:00

Annika Karoline

Anika Karoline

Both pronounced AH nee kah

Origin meaning: Hebrew or Latin- grace; favour

Do you like one n or two better?

Anyway, I digress.

Drew and I have loved this name for years, before we were married actually.

He was working at a camp for a summer and I went to visit him. We had been dating all of 3 or 4 months. We had known each other for all of 6. Anyway.

One of the ladies on permanent staff, had an adorable 6 month old, blonde (well, bald), blue eyed, chubby cheeked baby girl, named Annika. She was so cute and adorable. We declared that the prettiest girl name we had ever heard and if we were ever to have a baby girl, she would be named Annika.

We went back to that same camp last summer, her mom still works there and Annika happened to help with the babies in the nursery. (Levi) She was now 10. Still blonde, blue eyed and beautiful. She was so sweet and kind. We decided she did not ruin the name 9 years later and possibly made it a little better.

Sage would have been Annika. Kolby would have been Annika. Levi would have been Annika.

In fact, while carrying Levi, we decided on Annika Karoline. I had alway said Annika Louise. Which I still love and Drew kind of, maybe didn't love it. The middle name is after the same person, Karoline, Loopty or Lions. She's been my best friend since third grade. Her middle name is Louise, the same as her two older sisters. Often, you will hear her dad call me Kristy Lou, because I was like the fourth daughter. Always there. Her whole family holds such a special place in my heart. I loved every minute that I spent at her house.

I wanted my daughter to be a little Ani Lou. Just like the grand daughters. But, Drew didn't love it. So, we agreed on Annika Karoline. And now, I love it.

Although, after writing this, I've almost convinced myself to change it!

Whoa, Drew just said I own the middle name. Now, I have some serious thinking to do! Lions, any thoughts?! Suddenly, I feel nervous.

Suspense Suspended!

2010-03-23T21:24:00.004-05:00

But first, the story.

This morning was the first morning, I declared. It's a girl. I couldn't decide so this morning, I just decided to decide.

Drew got home at 6:40. Which is late for him. He's always home around 5:30/6:00 at the latest. Dern late meeting.

We all headed to Papasitos with the envelope tucked safely in my purse.

We ordered our drinks and queso. We waited forever for them.

Then we finally got to order our food. It didn't take forever but it seemed like a long time!

Drew ate one fajita and declared he was ready for dessert. We decided that with as long as it was taking for everything we better just order the dessert. {grin}

The boys wavered until the last minute. Sage declared it was a girl right before we ordered, and of course, Kolby declared girl too.

When he finally came back, Drew explained how important this envelope was and we ordered chocolate for a girl and cheesecake for a boy.

Waiting for the dessert to be brought out? Torture.

At one point, he came over with his tray lifted high and then set it down with a flourish and asked if he could take our dirty plates.

I told him that was cruel and unusual.

But the next time, he came with his tray high and had quite a few drinks around the edge (for the table next to us). As he set it down, I couldn't look.

I stared at Drew.

He whispered. "It's a girl!"

Then I looked:

Maybe we didn't totally trust him, we asked for the envelope back. Here's the proof. The ultra-sound tech wrote It's a Girl!!!! And the back of the envelope where I wrote girl dessert and boy dessert and he wrote our choices underneath.

Kolby may have cried right before he was going to bed saying he wanted it to be a boy. But, maybe we should leave that part out.

It is with great joy that we announce Annika Karoline will be welcomed by three big brothers in August!